CBS To Give CIA Tips On Infiltrating Enemy Groups — Satire By Scott Ott

After U.S. troops this week arrested a cameraman employed by CBS who apparently also worked for the Iraqi insurgency, the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) asked CBS News president Andrew Heyward for “some tips on infiltrating enemy organizations,” according to an unnamed source.

“The CIA has not been able to get any reliable human intelligence out of Iraq for years,” said the source. “But CBS News has a double-agent on the payroll. Although, working for both CBS and the terrorists might not qualify him, strictly speaking, as a ‘double’ agent.”

In response to the CIA request, the CBS News chief said he would “do what he could, as a patriotic American, to help the CIA. But there’s no trick to getting good information like this. It’s all about trust.”

Retired CBS anchor Dan Rather, who personally interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein in his palace shortly before the Iraq war, said, “The line between journalists and their sources sometimes gets as blurry as a pair of spectacles smeared with bacon grease. And if you have to curry favor with a tyrant, or put an insurgent on the payroll, well…that’s just the price of getting to the truth.”

Satire used with permission of Scott Ott from Scrappleface. You can read more of his work by clicking here.

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