Clark to Accept Public Financing, Food Stamps By Scott Ott

14 Nov, 2003 by John Hawkins

Print this article Font size -16+

Wesley Clark announced today that during the presidential primaries his campaign would accept public financing, food stamps and government-issued cheese.

“Our fundraising is going so well we don’t need taxpayer help,” said Mr. Clark. “We’re only accepting this public assistance to demonstrate that Wes Clark is a true, blue Democrat. It’s woven into the fiber of our party that taxpayers should have to pay for the personal choices others make.”

Mr. Clark immediately criticized rival Howard Dean for his decision to refuse public financing.

“One could reasonably wonder whether Mr. Dean is even a Democrat,” said Mr. Clark as he nibbled a cube of government cheese. “There’s a mean streak of unilateralism in Howard.”

If you like this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.