Dean Says He’s Not Metrosexual, but Metropopulist By Scott Ott

29 Oct, 2003 by John Hawkins

Print this article Font size -16+

Presidential candidate Howard Dean today renounced his previous confession of metrosexuality, and officially declared himself a ‘metropopulist’ — a hot new buzzphrase for politicians who are “in touch with their average American side”.

“I’m a wealthy former medical internist who also served as governor,” said Mr. Dean, “So, I’m the ultimate power-elite insider. But that don’t mean I can’t relate to ‘Joe and Jennifer Sixpack’ — you know, the average working stiffs.”

While a metrosexual is a “dandyish narcissist” in love with himself and his lifestyle, a metropopulist becomes enamored with his own campaign-generated media image as a kind of noble savage.

“Sometimes I look in the mirror,” said Mr. Dean, “and I roll up my sleeves and flex my neck muscles until the veins stand out, and I say to myself, ‘Howie, you are one righteous prole! You’re just like the little people who send you money through the Internet.’ O yeah! I know what you want from government.'”

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.