Frank Predictions for 2005 By Frank J.

I know I’m a few days late, and RightWingDuck already did some on my site, but here are my predictions for 2005. Since I didn’t have a crystal ball, I instead consulted crystal meth.


* Michael Moore will make a new “documentary” trying to expose the Iraq war as evil. To do so, he will head to the Middle East to interview terrorists. Since Moore’s body odor is classified as a WMD, Tenet will be vindicated when Moore is discovered in Iraq.

* Saddam’s trial will turn into a circus when the judge rules that clowns and elephants will be allowed in the courtroom. In the end, Saddam is executed by being fired out of a cannon.

* Satan will finally give up on the moral qualms he had and help Hillary Clinton in her run for the presidency in 2008.

* The MSM will break down and devote all its time to pointing out alleged flaws in blog posts.

* Democracy will be such a big hit in Iraq that all the citizens of nearby countries will demand to get in on the fun. Democracy will spread so far that it will eventually reach Canada.

* George W. Bush will continue to refuse to demand that Kofi Annan resign, even as he personally strangles the Secretary-General of the U.N.

* France will surrender in the war on terror and begin terrorizing themselves. The U.S. will offer to help.

* Democrats will further break down until they become a loosely organized roving gang that jumps people in dark alleys and whines at them.

* Space aliens will land and offer to share their technology to bring us long life and world peace, but we’ll kill all the aliens because they look funny… and we’ll be right to do so!

* Distraught liberals will try to form a perfect society underground, emerging every so often from the sewers to steal bread crusts from our trash cans.

* Dan Rather does an expose on how Jesus never did raise Lazarus from the dead based on memos allegedly typed at the beginning of the first millenium A.D. It recevies little scrutiny from his audience at the nursing home.

* Seven hurricanes will hit Florida. Having to go at least three months without power, I’ll learn to blog using only candles and coconuts.

* SarahK and I, now in the same state, will join forces to rule the blogosphere, then Florida, then Minnesota, and then the world. No monkey will be spared.

This content was used with the permission of Frank J. from IMAO. You can read more of Frank J.’s work by clicking here.

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