GOP Bill Hikes Minimum Wage To $84.25/hr. — Satire By Scott Ott

Republicans in Congress, in a last ditch effort to provide economic justice to America’s working poor, today introduced a bill that would raise the national minimum hourly wage from $5.15 to $84.25.

The bill, offered just hours before the Democrat-led House attempted to raise the rate to $7.25, is roughly based on what Congressmen earn for working 40 hours per week for 50 weeks per year, although the actual working part is optional in Congress.

Under the terms of the GOP-sponsored measure, the minimum wage would also track Congressional pay, which typically includes an annual cost-of-living-it-up increase.

“Hiking it to $7.25 won’t make a dent,” said one unnamed Republican House member, “But at $84.25, we’ll eliminate poverty.”

Lawmakers believe the bill is a win-win, since every other working person in the country will now expect a pay raise to keep his wages an appropriate distance above minimum.

Republicans said the new minimum wage would also produce a windfall of tax revenue as millions of Americans move from paying no federal income tax, straight to the highest tax bracket.

The additional tax money would be earmarked for education, according to the text of the bill, “to teach America’s children the fundamentals of economics in a capitalist system.”

This satire was used with the permission of Scrappleface.

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