I Get Emails: The Real Story Behind The North American Union

You should see some of the loopy North American Union emails I get. Here’s my favorite one so far from the latest batch:

From: adam leavitt

“so really think that there are no plans for the american union…..why do one third of american’s believe 9/11 was an inside job……why does israel run american policies”

Edited Runner Up:

From: James Mason
Subject: North American Union

“….So you are on the side of the one-worlders–why don’t you just admit it, instead of sliming people who don’t share your blue sky and pink air worldview?”

It looks like these geniuses have figured out my game. You see the Jews, the Trilateral Commission, and the Alien Reptilians were getting a little nervous because the conspiracy theorists were getting too close to the truth.

The real plan is to get Bush to merge America, Mexico, and Canada so that all three nations’ resources can be used to build the world’s largest ice skating rink in Mexico City with the help of the Chinese, who will immediately cross the border and invade after it’s ready to go with the help of the Masons and the Illuminati. Granted, that seems like a pretty complex plan, but I’m told that unless the ice skating rink is completed, the Alien Reptilians’ mind control rays in space can’t be bounced off of it, refocused, and then used to penetrate even the thickest tinfoil hats.

Anyway, they paid me off to convince people that was there was nothing to the North American Union and the negotiations were epic. I mean they flew me out to Tel Aviv where I had female Israeli soldiers giving me backrubs while I talked to the lizard clone who replaced Tony Blair last year.

Long story short: I got a permanent prison camp waiver (You have no idea how handy those are going to be after Ameri-Cana-Ixico comes into being and there’s the Star Trek style replicator that the Reptilians brought from their home world. Does it work? You better believe it. I now have a freezer full of replicated fillet mignon and a bathtub full of gold.

But look, don’t worry too much about this North American Union thing anyway because once the earthquake machine and laser tanks are ready, the Americas are going to be taken over by the Illuminati/Mason/Chinese forces anyway. So by then, the last thing we’ll have to worry about is the NAU.

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