In My World: Window Shopping By Frank J.

10 Nov, 2004 by John Hawkins

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“Time to spend that political capital, people,” Bush told his staff, “That’s why I called all of you who ain’t resigned yet together. First off, I’d like to thank Rover for this great victory.”

Karl Rove emerged from the shadows. “My evil power grows. Muh ha ha ha!”

“That’s super,” Bush remarked, and looked back to his staff. “Now, let’s think of some ideas of what to do next. Remember, I hate people who disagree with me and find it funny when I do stuff that makes them whine. So, who has an idea?” Bush looked around. “Rummy, you have your hand up. What are your thoughts?”

“War!” Rumsfeld yelled.

“Against who?”

“Rarr!” Rumsfeld shouted as he motioned to a map of the world.

“There will be plenty of time for more war in the next four years, but we have to be more focused than just decimating the entire world,” Bush said, “Who do you think the worst threat is?”

Rumsfeld thought for a moment. “I don’t like North Korea. Their poofy-haired leader’s neck begs daily for my hands to wrap around it and squeeze it until he’s dead.”

“That might be a good idea,” Bush stated, “The troops are getting tired of just killing Islamic extremists, so Commie kill’n might be a nice change of pace.”

“Plus, they have WMD’s,” Condoleezza added.

“I’m not falling for that trick again,” Bush responded, “If we’re going to war with North Korea, let’s make it clear that it’s just to steal their oil.”

“Actually, I have my own idea,” Condi said, “Why don’t we punish Old Europe for being unfaithful to us. I have a plan for overthrowing Paris. Based on their defenses, it should take just five armed Marines and a Humvee. Then, we can raid the treasures of the Louvre. I certainly wouldn’t mind the Mona Lisa on my wall.”

“Nah, I don’t like art,” Bush answered, “Except for a fish – a fish that sings.” Bush chuckled. “What dark times you’ve gotten me through, Big Mouth Billy Bass.”

“I have an idea,” Scott McClellan said, “I have to deal with the press everyday, and it would be great if they were a little more fair and not so mean. So maybe…”

“That’s a great idea!” Bush shouted, “Let’s round up and execute the press!”

“That wasn’t quite what I…”

“We’ll hold a big press conference to lead them into a trap!” Condi declared, a devilish glint in her eyes.

“I just meant that we should…”

“The streets will flow with their blood!” Rumsfeld yelled.

“That’s a little extreme. I just wanted…”

“Then it’s settled,” Bush stated, “We’ll execute the press under the ‘McClellan Murder the Press’ Act.”

“But, uh…”

Laura Bush entered the room. “Since you are all so hard at work, I made you Rice Krispie treats.”

“Hooray!” Bush squealed with glee.

Laura started handing the treats out. “So what did you all decide on?”

“We’re going to kill the press!” Bush exclaimed.

“That’s a horrible idea!” Laura shouted, “Who thought of something so evil.”

Everyone pointed to Scott.

“Then no treat for you!” Laura declared as she took away the Rice Krispie treat from Scott’s grasp.

“Aww,” Scott moaned, “I hate this administration.”

If you enjoyed this satire by Frank J., you can read more of his work at IMAO.