Iran Says It Seeks To Build Nuclear-Powered Birdhouse By Andy Borowitz

One day after the signing of a controversial deal calling for Russia to deliver nuclear fuel to Iran, Iran’s vice president said that it only sought the fuel because it plans to build the world’s first nuclear-powered birdhouse.

At a press conference in Tehran today, Vice President Gholamreza Aghazadeh
showed reporters extensive plans for the birdhouse, which, if constructed, would be the first of its kind anywhere in the world.

Calling the state-of-the-art birdhouse a potential boon for Iranian tourism, Mr. Aghazadeh said, “We believe that people will come from far and wide to see this awesome birdhouse.”

But shortly after Mr. Aghazadeh’s press conference, International Atomic Energy Agency chief Mohamed ElBaradei said that the plans for the birdhouse, while “impressive,” were still cause for international concern.

“At this time we can see no rationale for building a birdhouse ringed with intermediate-range nuclear weapons,” he said.

In response to Mr. ElBaradei’s comments, Iran’s vice president seemed to change his tune, saying that Iran was only planning to build the nuclear-powered birdhouse “for a science fair.”

“For some time, Iran has been curious about what effect living in a nuclear-powered birdhouse would have on birds used to living in a normal birdhouse,” he said.

In Washington, President Bush announced the U.S. would shortly announce a science fair project of its own, which would involve measuring the effect of Tomahawk cruise missiles on nuclear-powered birdhouses.

Elsewhere, actor Sean Penn explained his behavior on Oscar night, saying that he was preparing for his next film in which he plays “a pompous @ss.”

This satire was used with the permission of Andy Borowitz from the Borowitz Report. You can read more of his work by clicking here.

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