Joe Lieberman Admits To Being Part Muppet By Marni Malarkey

Democratic leadership candidate Joseph Lieberman has admitted, after much rumour and innuendo, that he is part Muppet. “My mother left the Children’s Workshop when she was a teenager to try and make it in the human world. There she met my father and they fell in love.”

Lieberman says he has been secretive in the past about his heritage because of the discrimination he faced as a child. “People can be very intolerant of Muppets, and I got into the habit of lying about it. But now, it’s time to be open, for my heritage is nothing to be ashamed of.”

One of Lieberman’s rivals in the Democratic race, General Wesley Clark, told Chris Matthews on the MSNBC panel show “Hardball” that Lieberman’s comments were “a load of hooey.” Clark was quick to say he had “nothing against” Muppets, and felt discrimination against them was “unacceptable and un-American” and that some of his “favourite Pentagon officials” were Muppets, but that it was clear to him Lieberman has been influenced throughout his career “by the powerful Muppet lobby in Washington.”

Clark pointed out that Lieberman had voted for the “cookies-and-milk-Thursday” bill in 1998, which made it obligatory for the House and Senate to take a fifteen minute break every Thursday morning to have cookies and milk. He also reminded Matthews that Donald Rumsfeld and Lieberman had worked together “on a program to introduce singalongs to the people of Afghanistan after the fall of the Taliban” and that on the campaign trail Lieberman can often be heard humming “Which of these things does not belong.”

It won’t be long, asserted Clark, before “a President Lieberman would be taking orders directly from Oscar the Grouch’s garbage bin.”

If you enjoyed this satire from Marni Malarkey, you can read more of her work at Broken Newz.

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