Kerry Feels ‘Affinity’ for Stem Cells By Scott Ott

by John Hawkins | June 22, 2004 1:30 am

Democrat presidential hopeful John Forbes Kerry today revealed that his support for expanding the use of taxpayer dollars to do research on embryonic stem cells[1] comes from a “deep feeling of affinity” that he shares with the stem cells.

“I admire stem cells,” said Mr. Kerry, who is a U.S. Senator. “I admire them because you don’t know what they’re going to be yet, and they could be anything. As the situation demands, they could become brain, blood or sinew. And they’re not ashamed of being adaptable to the exigencies of the moment.”

While research has shown that adult stem cells[2], which can be harvested without killing the human, might be more effective with fewer negative consequences, Mr. Kerry said he still supports embryonic stem cell research since it “makes practical use of a plentiful natural resource, the byproduct of a woman’s right to choose.”

“It’s environmentally friendly to recycle this waste product, rather than to allow it to clog our nation’s overflowing landfills,” he said.

If you enjoyed this satire from Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.

Endnotes:
  1. embryonic stem cells: http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=694&u=/ap/20040621/ap_on_el_pr/kerry_11&printer=1
  2. adult stem cells: http://www.nature.com/nsu/020617/020617-11.html

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