New Bush Campaign “George W. Bush: Compared To John Kerry, He’s Just Like You” By Marni Malarkey

05 Mar, 2004 by John Hawkins

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The Bush-Cheney 04 team have unveiled their new campaign platform, including a series of television, radio, magazine and newspaper ads, which will focus on the slogans, “George W. Bush: Compared to John Kerry, he’s a man of the people!” and “George W. Bush: Compared to John Kerry, he’s just like you!”

The ads will feature still photographs of the president clearing brush or driving his pickup truck, juxtaposed with shots of Kerry cavorting on his yacht or dining out in expensive restaurants in European capitals with various interns, cronies and, occasionally, his wife.

Also, Bush will be shown stammering and searching for the right word, while Kerry will be shown smoothly slipping into French, answering every question with a memorized speech referring to his Vietnam experience and deepening his voice several levels as he speaks in hushed tones about the last bottle of Chateau Margaux he and Teresa shared.

Also planned are spots featuring Laura Bush. In one, the contents of which were leaked to BrokenNewz this morning, a split screen shows the first lady stirring her husband’s breakfast grits and polishing his cowboy boots as next to her Teresa Heinz-Kerry is seen yelling at the help for mismatching her husband’s tie for that day with her pashmina. “The more and more we think about it,” said a Bush-Cheney spokesman, “we’re just so grateful Howard Dean imploded.”

If you enjoyed this satire by Marni Malarkey, you can read more of her work at Broken Newz.