New Poll Gives Dean Slight Lead Over Bush — If Enough People Get Really, Really Drunk By The Chortler

31 Dec, 2003 by John Hawkins

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After being on the receiving end of numerous attacks from his Democratic rivals throughout the weekend, Howard Dean had reason to be optimistic today when a new poll showed he could become the next president of the United States — if enough people get totally plastered before voting.

The poll indicates that if a significant portion of the population drinks at least eight beers, two bottles of wine and/or a pint of whiskey on Election Day then Dean might obtain enough votes to carry him through the White House.

The poll also suggests that Dean could win if the overwhelming majority of likely Bush voters oversleep, catche spontaneous amnesia or stay home to read weird endings to online satire articles.

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