People On The Right Who Get On My Nerves

For a while now, I’ve been meaning to punch something up on some of the people on the right who…well, let me be charitable and say “get on my nerves”. Other than one exception, which will be noted, I don’t detest these people, but let’s just say that I wouldn’t put anybody here on my list of preferred dinner guests and the feeling would probably be mutual.

Bill O’Reilly: I’ll be the first person to admit that Bill O’Reilly has reason to be more than a little bit cocky. He has had a nice, long, & may I add deserved, run at the top of the cable news network game. That being said, his ego is absolutely planet sized. And I’m not talking Mercury here, I’m talking about Jupiter. I mean if Superman were real and he had just saved the entire planet from destruction, for the 5th time this week, he couldn’t justify having an ego as big as O’Reilly’s. No one should be that pompous.

Pat Robertson & Jerry Falwell: These guys just slay me because neither of them has any political instincts whatsoever. Yet, it seems that every six months or so, one or the other of them will say something mind blowingly off the wall or offensive that the media will have a field day thrashing conservatives with. Please, do all the rest of us a favor…shhhhhhhh!

John McCain, Chuck Hagel, Richard Lugar & The Rest Of The Senate Republicans In Name Only: It’s bad enough that wussy quasi-Republicans like Olympia Snowe, Orrin Hatch, & Arlen Specter vote against the GOP so often. That’s an annoyance. But, McCain, Hagel, & Lugar seemingly go out of their way to loudly & publicly disagree with the rest of the party every time some important issue comes up. In fact, if you guessed “McCain, Hagel, or Lugar” whenever you saw a headline like “Senate Republican disagrees with Bush” you’d be right 90% of the time. In return for attacking their own party, these chumps get lauded by the mainstream media. But as Ann Coulter once said, “There is no surer proof of a Republican mediocrity than the media’s respect.”

Dr. Laura: As a general rule, from what I’ve heard of her show, Dr. Laura seems to give pretty sound advice. But good grief, is she a shrill devil-harpy or what? I just cannot understand how someone whose entire shtick is being mean to people while giving them good advice can be so successful. Personally, I can’t stand to listen to her for more than a 5 minute stretch at a time — and that’s saying something since I usually agree with her.

David Brooks & William Safire: Occasionally, I’ll actually link something written by one of the New York Times’ two house conservatives. But, are these not exactly the sort of mousey, wishy-washy, type of conservatives the Times would run? I mean, I know the idea of running columns by unapologetic, rock ribbed, conservatives must scare the libs at the Times, but couldn’t they find a little stronger right wing medicine than these guys?

Tucker Carlson: The right’s less articulate, more moderate, version of Alan Colmes. Enough said.

The Ultimate Warrior: Yes, I’m talking about the guy who used to wrestle Hulk Hogan and I’m absolutely appalled that this guy is getting conservative speaking gigs around the country. I say that, because after following his wrestling career, I long ago came to the conclusion that he’s…uh…let’s just say “Damaged Goods”. Not only did he actually change his name to “The Warrior” back in 1993, but here’s a gibbering passage from his website that’s pretty typical of the majority of things he has written over the years.

“I am not p/c. What is true never is. The philosophical principles of life I advocate herein my writings will get you through your life on Earth effectively, successfully and happily. What happens from there none of us truly know. Until people can be seen stepping into another plane of existence on The Tonight Show showing us it is truly capable, instead of writing fiction books claiming that it has been done, I’m not going to bet one way or the other nor let my spiritual beliefs pull me around life by the nose. What I am going to do is use the GIFT I AM ENDOWED WITH to deal effectively, successfully and happily with my life on Earth. I do not use the Creation of my life to make excuses, I use it as an empowerment. And when those who are enraptured push on me that there is only a lone way to have a relationship with the Creator yet they, themselves, are not using their own gift of life to fulfill its potential or cannot explain to me what it is they believe because in truth they are only mindless sheep following others, I will unabashedly tell them they are disrespecting any God they believe in by not comprehending and coherently explaining what He is and what He is about. I will also tell them they are spitting in His face by not using the potential of the GIFT ENDOWED. It is that simple for me. Your disrespect, if you are one who is of this kind, is far larger than mine just because I use what I am, and say it like it is.”

Dick Morris: I’ll be first to tell you that Morris is a political genius even if he does tend to be a bit overdependent on polls. Heck, I even think so highly of Morris’ political acumen that I put together a page full of his quotes. But, Morris is an amoral political animal. By that, I mean that I get the impression he’d suggest George Bush secretly push Laura in front of a bus if it would give W. a 5 point sympathy bounce with women next November. Politics is important, but you can’t make life and death decisions that may have ramifications for decades based on whether or not it’ll move you up or down in the polls a few points. Judging from his columns, Morris doesn’t see it that way…

Pat Buchanan: Even though the “king of all Paleocons” isn’t even a Republican anymore, he has a TV gig where he’s supposed to represent the opinion of conservatives. But, Pat is a Reform Party member who’s an isolationist, anti-free trade, and he sounds like Michael Moore or Robert Scheer when he talks about the war in Iraq. Buchanan makes my skin crawl…

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