President George W. Bush On John Kerry’s War Record By The Chortler

My Fellow Americans,

There have been a lot of doubts raised recently about John Kerry’s war record and what heroism he might or might not have actually displayed while serving in Vietnam.

(To my great surprise, these doubts have been raised by people who have sent large amounts of money to my reelection campaign.)

First of all, allow me to state categorically that I would never for a moment bring into question the noble war record that my liberal, pinko, [email protected] Democratic challenger might or might not have had.

The courage which my bleeding heart, Cadillac communist opponent might or might not have revealed during that conflict was laudable and an example to us all.

I would never dream of exploiting for political purposes the outstanding demonstration of valor John Kerry might or might not have shown three decades ago.

Finally, it is my sincere hope that during this election campaign we will put aside all the lingering uncertainties about the undisputed bravery the bolshie, caviar-eating Massachusetts senator might or might not have exhibited while serving in the US Navy.

Thank you, and God bless America.

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