Sen. Boxer Questions Source Of Bolton’s Mustache — Satire By Scott Ott

13 Apr, 2005 by John Hawkins

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Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-CA, continued her verbal assault on President Bush’s nominee for U.S. Ambassador to the U.N. today — this time questioning the source of Undersecretary of State John Bolton’s mustache.

During a withering barrage of rhetorical questions, Sen. Boxer told Mr. Bolton that he needs anger therapy and virtually accused him of stealing the prodigious, light-colored, facial growth from a junior analyst at the CIA.

“We know you’re a bully,” the California Democrat said. “Given your track record of abusing the little people, this committee would like to see some proof that your alleged mustache isn’t a battle prize torn from the lip of one of your pathetic victims. I want to see the DNA comparison.”

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Mr. Bolton deflected the question and politely thanked the Senate committee for its “substantive review” of his qualifications.

One unnamed Senate Democrat privately conceded that Mr. Bolton would “likely win confirmation by a whisker.”

Satire used with permission of Scott Ott from Scrappleface. You can read more of his work by clicking here.