Sen. Boxer Questions Source Of Bolton’s Mustache — Satire By Scott Ott

13 Apr, 2005 by John Hawkins

Print this article Font size -16+

Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-CA, continued her verbal assault on President Bush’s nominee for U.S. Ambassador to the U.N. today — this time questioning the source of Undersecretary of State John Bolton’s mustache.

During a withering barrage of rhetorical questions, Sen. Boxer told Mr. Bolton that he needs anger therapy and virtually accused him of stealing the prodigious, light-colored, facial growth from a junior analyst at the CIA.

“We know you’re a bully,” the California Democrat said. “Given your track record of abusing the little people, this committee would like to see some proof that your alleged mustache isn’t a battle prize torn from the lip of one of your pathetic victims. I want to see the DNA comparison.”

Mr. Bolton deflected the question and politely thanked the Senate committee for its “substantive review” of his qualifications.

Trending: The 15 Best Conservative News Sites On The Internet

One unnamed Senate Democrat privately conceded that Mr. Bolton would “likely win confirmation by a whisker.”

Satire used with permission of Scott Ott from Scrappleface. You can read more of his work by clicking here.