Senator John Kerry to Wed Warren Buffett By William Grim

Officials of the presidential campaign of John F. “Frenchy” Kerry have admitted that Senator Kerry has secretly divorced his multi-millionaire wife Teresa Heinz-Kerry and will wed billionaire investor Warren Buffett.

Citing “irreconcilable financial differences,” lawyers for Senator Kerry allege that Ms. Heinz duped their client into marriage with false claims of her being the “world’s richest Democrat.”

A source close to the Kerry campaign who wishes to remain anonymous, told this reporter that “Senator Kerry feels used by Teresa Heinz, but harbors her no ill will, especially since he will be getting a substantial settlement as per the terms of their pre-nup and will now have the opportunity to marry the substantially more wealthy Warren Buffett.”

Broken Newz has learned that Senator Heinz asked Bill Gates, a registered Democrat and the world’s richest man, to marry him, but was rebuffed by the Microsoft founder when he discovered that Senator Kerry’s office computers operate on Linux.

If you enjoyed this satire by William Grim, you can read more of his work at Broken Newz.

Share this!

Enjoy reading? Share it with your friends!