The Difference Between Liberals, Conservatives, And Southerners

20 Jan, 2004 by John Hawkins

Print this article Font size -16+

Apparently, this email has been floating around the net because a friend of mine sent it to me yesterday…

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Liberal Answer: Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he’d be happy with killing just me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1 ? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Conservative Answer: BANG!

Southerner’s Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! rackety-click…(sounds of reloading). Wife: “Hun, he looks like he’s still moving, whadda y’all kids think?” Son: “Mama’s right Daddy, I saw it, too.” BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click. daughter: “Nice group, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?”

Now, if you’ve been reading RWN for a while, that email may seem familiar to you. That’s probably because someone put this together after modifying a post I originally wrote back in Sept of 2002. To have this post still being sent back and forth more than a year after I wrote it is flattering indeed…