The Globe: Bill And Hill’s Coming Divorce!

28 May, 2008 by John Hawkins

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In my never ending quest to bring you the news that other media sources reject as too “trashy,” “unreliable,” and just plain old “false” to mention, I once again bought the Globe at the grocery store. Why? Because this was on the cover,

Now, you’re probably thinking: Bill and Hill getting divorced? That’s crazy talk! Those two have always had such a perfect marriage…..of convenience!

So, what could have possibly gone wrong?

Well, according to the Globe one of the planet’s most reliable news sources…ehr, most reliable news sources….wait, that’s still not right, reliable news sources, the Clintons have a secret deal to end their marriage if Hillary’s bid for the presidency fails.

Why? Apparently Hillary is still humiliated by Bill’s affairs and blames him for playing the “race card” in South Carolina, which hurt her campaign. Plus, she apparently wants $50 million so she can settle down and make sweet, sweet lesbian luv with her ultra-hotty aide, Huma Abedin.

And no wonder, look how happy the two of them are together (well, Hillary at least).

Now granted, there is always the outside possibility that the Globe didn’t dot all the “i’s” and cross all the “t’s” and therefore, there could be some small, minor, almost irrelevant inaccuracies in this story about divorce and lesbian affairs.

However, on the other hand, no matter how far off the Globe is here, they couldn’t possibly be lying more than Bill Clinton did when he was President.