Alt-Left Insanity: Trump ‘Is Actually a Blind Carnivorous Cave Zombie’

Alt-Left Insanity: Trump ‘Is Actually a Blind Carnivorous Cave Zombie’

Yes, that’s an actual quote from an actual headline. The full headline goes like this: “Trump Can’t Tell Women Apart Because He Is Actually a Blind Carnivorous Cave Zombie From The Descent.”

So what did our president do to deserve such an obnoxious attack? Did he launch missiles at North Korea? Did he sell his soul to Putin?

Nope, he mistook two journalists he had never met before for one another. Yep, here’s Jezebel take, saying Trump’s sin was “after confusing two Finnish journalists who happened to be sitting next to each other during a press conference.”

The article, such as it was, went on to compare Trump to “eyeless subterranean humanoids with a desperate craving for their terrified flesh.” Because he confused the two journalists. “I bring this up now because Donald Trump today made clear that he is indeed of the same species as the slimy blind goblins,” the Lauren Evans article continued.

The two journos, Maria Annala and Paula Vilén, are both blonde and the same height. But Trump’s misstep was a global news story. I wish I were joking. The Washington Post, USA Today, The Independent, The Guardian, Vox and the list goes on and on.

This is all part of the Chinese water torture journalism that we are witnessing. Every typo. Every misstep. Every bit of rumor or gossip. All become a chance for journalists to destroy Trump and go out and drink with their friends afterward and laugh.

They are laughing at you. Every single time.

The only difference between the Post and USA Today stories and the lunatics at Jezebel is a bit of honesty. Jezebel, part of the asylum of websites owned by Hillary donor Haim Saban, admits it’s a ridiculous left-wing moron fest. It is filled with headlines like: “The Trump White House Has Sure Shared a Lot of Fictional, Racist Fantasies Today.” Scarily, it considers itself one of “The web’s most beloved brands.”

Its sister outlet The Root refers to calling the police as, “inviting a murder squad to your house” — even if you are getting murdered. “Chasing possible murder with probable murder is like chasing Fireball with Honey Jack. No, the ax needs to be embedded in your spleen before you call 911.”

This the left that talks about unity and complains about radical right-wing voices. And thinks that nobody looks at what they write.

Only we do. And one of the worst and most ridiculous sites is the Splinter/Root/Jezebel/Deadspin/etc. combo of crazy. So, this week, I’ve devoted the entire column to just how ridiculous and bigoted the left can be. Courtesy of their owner, Haim Saban.

Which takes us too even more stupidity from their staff:

‘A White Man in Hollywood Did Something Good’:I could dig through the craziness of what Haim Saban unleashes on the world every day and find ridiculous garbage. This bit is from Splinter, formerly Fusion. It’s part of the alt-left’s new crusade against white actors playing someone other than a white person.

You know, acting.

I am far from the nation’s No. 1 defender of Hollywood. I do try to target hypocrisy. The new rules apparently don’t care about that word. Maybe it has too many syllables for liberals to process. They can’t stand it when a white person (especially a man) takes the role that was created for a person of color. But if the reverse happens, that’s OK.

The full headline is: “I Can’t Believe It but a White Man in Hollywood Did Something Good.” Actor Ed Skrein bowed to the PC gods and decided he’d drop out of a remake of Hellboy rather than offend libs. He refused to join in the “worrying tendency to obscure ethnic minority stories and voices in the Arts.” For that he gets the sarcastic headline that “a white man” finally did something good.

There is no winning with the left. If suddenly we have to accurately represent characters, though, here are 10 that must be removed including: Will Smith in I am Legend and Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury in The Avengers. Personally, I like both, but if we’re purging, everybody goes.

Locking Up Rioters = Silencing Dissent: More demented garbage from the Saban sites. This time it’s Splinter again, upset that The Washington Posttook an anti-rioter editorial position. How dare they! The pro-riot story was headlined: “The Washington Post’s Official Editorial Position: Everyone Just Chill About the Criminalization of Dissent.”

This is what the alt-left does. It tries to minimize the violence on its side. Author Emma Roller criticized the Post for saying, “Violent protesters committed tens of thousands of dollars in property damage and assaulted police officers.” She even bolded it.

Now here’s her response. “Tens of thousands of dollars in property damage? My heavens! Will no one think of that Bank of America window’s family?” Notice the violence against police is forgotten. The limo the rioters torched is later downplayed. Antifa can do no wrong if you work for the alt-left. But arresting them is awful!

Actual quote: “The businesses that were vandalized in downtown Washington on Inauguration Day were insured. By contrast, the cost of silencing dissent—via mealy-mouthed editorials or the threat of a prison sentence—may never be recouped.” So, you alt-left loons can violently attack police and vandalize stores and destroy cars. Just as long as they aren’t inconvenienced by courts afterward.

This is, btw, the strategy the alt-left is deploying around the nation. If you go to a Trump rally or conservative protest, expect it.

We’re The Root, Let’s Make Fun Of White Women!: Remember the rules, there is no double standard. There is only one standard. Everything the left does is right and everything the right does is wrong.

Picture for a second a conservative website taking five different types of women of color and making fun of them and then attributing those particular stereotypes to real-life women. It would cause an uproar. When The Root does it, crickets. (By that, I mean insect crickets. Not The Crickets from Buddy Holly fame. They are white, after all.)

The article’s headline is vague: “The 5 Types of ‘Becky’” You have to know that the alt-left uses Becky as code for white women. Here’s their definition: “Becky: (noun); a white woman who uses her privilege as a weapon, a ladder or an excuse.”

The explanation continues. “Not all white women are Beckies, but all Beckies are white women.” Then the article proceeded to define the fine types of Beckies: Rebecca, Becca, Beckeisha, Reba, and the worst, Beckzilla. Here’s a quick synopsis. The women after each are their suggestions, not mine:

  • Rebecca: “When ‘alt-righters’ recite the 14 words, ‘Because the beauty of the white Aryan woman must not perish from the earth,’ this is about whom they are talking.” — Taylor Swift; Megyn Kelly.
  • Becca: “Beccas were the white women who sat on plantation porches teaching their slaves how to read but still had slaves.” — Hillary Clinton; Katy Perry.
  • Beckeisha: “For this subset of Beckies, culture, history and black penis are all disposable commodities for them to use and discard at their whim.” — Anyone with the last name “Kardashian”; Miley Cyrus; Rachel Dolezal.
  • Reba: “If you want to make Reba upset, mention how white women have always been complicit in white supremacy.” — Amy Schumer; Lena Dunham. The article also includes “Jezebel readers,” their crazy sister site.
  • Beckzilla: Yeah, this is the real anti-conservative one. “All Beckzillas know that white womanhood is a credit card with an unlimited balance.” — Kellyanne Conway; Tomi Lahren.

Now, the fun. Picture women of any other race. Imagine dissecting them and stereotyping them. Then you pick women you don’t like and call them out for their perceived issues. And watch while the media freak out at your hate.

Dan Gainor is The Boone Pickens Free Market Fellow and Vice President for Business and Culture for the Media Research Center

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Alt-Left Insanity: Take Your Kids to the Climate Justice Fashion Show

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