Bipartisan Buffoonery

“The Groundhog Must Die!”

Republican Mike Gmoser, the country prosecutor in Butler County, Ohio, wasted taxpayers’ time and money by charging Pennsylvania’s winter-predicting groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, with “misrepresentation of early spring.” The reluctant snow-shoveler wanted the death penalty. Good thing Butler County crimes have magically shrunk from 386,000 in 2010 to just 3 this year! Otherwise, one might think the unpronounceable Gmoser has chosen this job to be the last in his career.

Meanwhile, President Obama apparently wants to “round up” our 9.5 billion dollars in National Parks maintenance and repairs backlog to an even 10 billion. If not, why would he use the 1906 Antiquities Act’s “emergency powers” to designate 1,100 acres of land, an old courthouse and a plot of weed-choked “green” outside legislative hall in Dover, Delaware as “National Monuments?” This is in addition to presumably doomed historically irreplaceable sites around the country in Washington, Maryland and New Mexico. None was under any threat of any kind, except for having a lack of federal employees who could be readily furloughed during recessions and sequesters.

This is the same thoughtful governance from a guy who spends millions on vacations, taking “a vacation every month” while stomping his feet all the way to the Bahamas, locking “The Peoples’ House” to school kids because tours cost too much due to the naughty sequester his staff designed.

Fear not, staunch and faithful Democrats! Though you recoil at criticism of your favorite crony capitalist, Republicans are also wearing the fools cap this spring.

Speaker John Boehner bravely stood fast against Obamacare, boldly declaring, “We’ve made it pretty clear and I’ll make it clear one more time: If the court does not strike down the entire law, the House will move to repeal what’s left of it,” and, “We are going to repeal ObamaCare and replace it with common sense reforms that will bring down the cost of health insurance.”

When the recent vote came to fund or defund Obamacare, brave John Boehner took his place among the minstrels who will sing songs of his unwavering duty, steeled his spine against the warm, inviting media cameras, hiked up his udders and quietly lowed to the press, “Obamacare is the law of the land.”

Nearby, Monty Python’s Terry Gilliam was heard singing, “Bravely taking to his feet, he beat a very brave retreat. A brave retreat by brave Sir Boehner.”

Evidence that our political class relies on voters having the attention span of a gnat was presented last week when Republican Mark “Hiking with my mistress” Sanford and Democrat Anthony “the” Weiner publicly tested the waters for political comebacks.

Weiner is considering a run for New York mayor, comptroller or maybe just about anything else that polls well. Sanford is reportedly a serious contender for South Carolina’s congressional special election.

Yes, voters believe in redemption and forgiveness. Even if you’re apology is sincere, that shouldn’t give one the expectation of repeated success at the polls. At least Weiner has a good grip on social media.

In the political minor leagues, Loronda Murphy, former chairwoman of the North Castle Republican Party, of Greenwich, Conn., was sentenced Tuesday to 4 1/2 to 13 1/2 years in prison for failing to pay $720,288 in restitution, after previously admitting to mortgage fraud, stealing more than $1 million from financial institutions and homeowners. Prosecutors said that she operated a home mortgage Ponzi scheme between April 2009 and June 2009, refinancing homes for five people, including her elderly father, while failing to repay their original mortgages.

Why this admittedly short list of recent political reprobates?

The U.S. has never lacked political scoundrels, liars, goofballs and people whose human frailties define their careers and, perhaps, policies.

Now is the time candidates and party leaders all the way down the food chain need to start working on the 2014 elections. Considering the major media gives Democrats a much wider berth for aberrant behavior than Republicans, GOP candidates especially need to be the best in class… and show some class.

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