Your Guide To The Liberal View Of Foreign Policy & Defending America

Most conservatives are absolutely baffled by the liberal perspective on foreign policy and defending America. That’s because many of the left’s positions seem totally counterintuitive….well, for Americans. Their views would make perfect sense if say an Iranian mullah or Iraqi insurgent held them. But, that’s neither here nor there, since the goal of this column is to explain how the left looks at foreign policy, not why.

So, imagine yourself to be a liberal. I know that’ll be quite difficult for many of you, but just pretend you’re wearing a tie-dye shirt and Birkenstocks, chant “no blood for oil” a few times, and then try to muster up some sympathy for the endangered Howling Dung Beetle and that should put you in the right frame of mind.

Now that you’re thinking like a liberal, like a Michael Moore or Ted Kennedy, perhaps it’ll be easier to understand why you…

…think that fighting back against terrorism is futile because it creates a cycle of violence. So you see killing terrorists only produces more terrorists? Just as killing Nazis in WW2 only produced more Nazis & bombing Hiroshima led to huge upsurges in Japanese recruiting.

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…claim to favor deterrence to intimidate our enemies into leaving us alone…until we’re attacked, at which point you counsel not responding.

…simultaneously believe Iraq was a “war for oil” and blame George Bush personally for higher gas prices.

…claim that we’re acting “unilaterally” in Iraq despite the fact that there are currently more than 30 nations with men on the ground supporting us there.

…blame ‘neocons’ for somehow manipulating the country into war in Iraq for shadowy and sinister purposes despite the fact you’re not even sure exactly what a neocon is.

…think it’s vitally important that we not only put our self-interest aside, but make great sacrifices, to gain the approval of nations like France, Russia, China, & Germany, that history has shown are going to nakedly pursue their own self-interest no matter what we do.

…believe that before 9/11, Bush should have started jailing suspicious characters, closed America’s airports, and warned all Americans of impending doom based on the flimsiest of non-specific information. But now, after we’ve been hit by terrorists and have much better intelligence, you laugh at the color coded alert system and consider it to be nothing more than a political ploy designed to perk up Bush’s poll ratings.

…say that only the United Nations can legitimize a military venture…well unless a Democrat is in office, in which case it’s fine to bypass the UN whenever it’s convenient like Bill Clinton did when we bombed Kosovo.

…are willing to do whatever it takes to defend the American public from terrorists…as long as the French and Germans say its OK.

…believe 9/11 was just a handy dandy excuse to get rid of the Taliban so we could run a vulnerable, fragile, oil pipeline that Unocal gave up on back in 1998 through a country teeming with warlords, jihadis, & Taliban dead-enders.

…incessantly trash patriotic Christians as dangerous extremists, but cry “bigotry” whenever someone criticizes radical Islamists who support terrorism and hate America.

…support spending tax dollars hand over fist on everything from free needle exchanges for addicts to water stations in the middle of the desert for illegal aliens, but become a fiscal conservative when anyone starts talking about funding the military, our intelligence services, or missile defense.

…only cared about the fate the Iraqi people when Bush was talking about going to war. When Saddam was torturing them you had nothing to say and now that they’re relying on our help to build a democracy, you believe we should pull out and leave to their fate. But of course, if we pulled out and things fell apart, you’d then again care about the Iraqi people…at least until the November elections.

…look at the Middle-East and think the primary problem there is Israel, a successful, pro-American democracy, not all of the corrupt, terrorist supporting dictators and fascists who hate America, oppress their own people, and want to drive the Israelis into the sea.

…spent the eighties claiming Reagan’s attempt to bring down the Soviet Union was futile and that it could never work, only to spend every day since the Berlin Wall fell saying that you knew all along that the Soviet Union was about to collapse and Reagan had nothing to do with it.

Congratulations! You now understand how the left looks at foreign policy and defending America. So, if you ever get caught in the middle of a peace rally or the Democratic National Convention, hopefully you’ll be able to bluff your way out without getting called a fascist or having a “no blood for oil” sign shoved in your face!

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