Guardian Moonbat Plots to Escape the Tyranny of Marriage

11 Nov, 2010 by Dave Blount

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Liberal establishmentarian Lara Pawson of The Guardian has found herself trapped in the heteronormative bourgeois tyranny of marriage. Fortunately for the cause of moonbat liberation, she knows a way to escape:

I want to divorce the man I love and he wants to divorce me. We do not wish to separate — simply to end our seven-year marriage. …we would prefer “to secure official status for our relationship in a way that supports the call for complete equality and is free of the negative, sexist connotations of marriage”. We are both fed up with being part of the hetero-husband-and-wife brigade that is accorded so much status and privilege.

Pawson finds that wives are oppressed.

Before we even tied the proverbial knot, I became swiftly aware of discrimination against wives.

But as oppressed though wives are, the real problem is that they are privileged.

…the point I wish to make here concerns the privileges accorded to the wedded heterosexual couple. When you marry, you gain a certain unspoken gravitas, as though society heaves a collective sigh of relief: “Thank God they’ve grown up.” … Being married pulls you into a new elite. It lends you an air of stability and reliability that singles and divorcees are denied. We assume that those who are unmarried probably have something just a teeny bit wrong with them because they have never managed to persuade another to settle down into that cosy unit of coupledom. This is the smug tyranny of husbands and wives.

The only way to smash this tyranny is by divorce. In any case, Pawson and her unfortunate spouse may have no choice, because

one of the more recent vows we made to each other was to promise to divorce if the Tories introduce a tax break for married couples. We want no part of that.

If marriage is tyranny, there is no word to describe the oppressive abomination of marriage with lower taxes on top.

What’s needed is for posturing goofballs like Flawson to unite:

If there are enough of us, we could start fighting for the right to exchange our marriage certificates for civil partnerships. This would be a step forward in the battle against what Peter Tatchell has described as a form of “sexual apartheid in law”.

To the barricades, righteous moonbat revolutionaries! You have nothing to lose but your wedding rings!