Babies Violate Labor Laws

07 May, 2010 by Warner Todd Huston

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Kim Grandy, the President of the National Organization for Women, has announced a new initiative to sue all babies born in the U.S. for violating labor laws by forcing mother’s into what Grandy calls “mommy slavery.”

NOW’s new program Freedom From Kidsâ„¢ launched early this week and lays out a plan for the courts to take all children from beleaguered mothers at birth so that women can find their true potential in working for the government or university Wymin’s programs.

“For decades,” Grandy said, “Wymin have been chained to these ungrateful brats and have been held back from achieving their true potential. We believe that the this program will free wymin from the drudgery and hateful business of raising kids.”

Not to be outdone, the ACLU filed papers in federal court to require Federal Accredited Kid’s Entertainment (FAKE) services to supply every baby with the latest video games, the coolest clothes and only straight “A” grades in government schools in order to assure a comfortable lifestyle and raise levels of self esteem.

NOW’s plan to sue all babies will establish a fund by placing a lien against all future earnings of newborns to pay would-be un-mothers for the trouble of having birthed the burdensome children in the first place. Much of this fund will go to Planned Parenthood in order to spare other un-mothers the whole mess through abortion mills being set up across the country.

Grandy said that she is satisfied that this is the “best of all worlds.”

President Obama issued a press release praising the plan and apologizing to our European allies for not having thought this up decades ago. “If more American children were aborted or warehoused by government agencies to reduce the burden on wymin, perhaps WWII would never have been fought and peace would reign in every corner of the earth,” Obama said.