Constant ‘Joke’ Calls From White House Putting Further Strain On Relations Between US And UN

Constant ‘Joke’ Calls From White House Putting Further Strain On Relations Between US And UN

WASHINGTON, DC — Sources have revealed that the rash of prank calls to the UN have finally been traced to the White House. Administration insiders have revealed that President Bush and Donald Rumsfield have been gathering in the Oval Office late at night to harass members of the UN, and have fun at their expense. A recording of one of the conversations has recently been released.

On the taped exchange, the voice of President Bush, doing a terrible Arabic accent, can be heard saying “Um, Hello! Mister Annon? This is… Saddam Hussein I’m ready to let the inspectors back in!”

Said UN Secretary General Kofi Annan, who took the call from President Bush, “Mr. Bush, please stop calling us like this.”

“Oh no”, continued Bush between stifled snickers, “This is your friend Saddam. I just wanted to let you know I won the war, the US is gone, and I want to get back to the inspection process now.”

“Mr. President, I recognize your voice. This is clearly you. None of us are fooled by these ridiculous calls.”

“I was wondering if it would be okay with you if my country… the country of Iraq… since we just kicked out the infidels… would you let us invade America now? I think we can take them.” The call trailed off at this point as the American President collapsed into hysterical laughter.

This call was only the latest in a rash of hoax calls to the UN headquarters, targeting individuals that opposed the US-led action against Iraq.

Kofi Annan – who has been the victim of more than a dozen prank calls in the past week – has pleaded with The White House to stop calling, and has threatened to use a call blocking service. “These constant late-night calls are getting out of hand. When they were fighting over Baghdad he called me in the middle of the night to ask if I would support a resolution to bomb Iraqi Presidential palace #213. Before I could answer he began laughing and saying, ‘Oops! Too late!’ Another time he called me saying he changed his mind about the invasion, and asking me if I would go and talk the Iraqi people into sending their children back to prison.”

Added Annan, “I wish he would just leave me alone.”

French President Jaques Chirac admitted that his administration had also been targeted by Bush, “He got us last week. When the Iraqi army began surrendering, he called us to ask if we had been providing them with military training. Curse him and his wacky unilateral hijinks!”

Annan commented, “It is almost as if he doesn’t take us seriously anymore.”

If you liked this satire by Shamus Young, you can read more of his work at: The Lemon

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