5 Reasons To Re-Elect Barack Obama

5 Reasons To Re-Elect Barack Obama

Many spiritually advanced people I know (not coweringly religious, mind you, but deeply spiritual) identify Obama as a Lightworker, that rare kind of attuned being who has the ability to lead us not merely to new foreign policies or health care plans or whatnot, but who can actually help usher in a new way of being on the planet, of relating and connecting and engaging with this bizarre earthly experiment. These kinds of people actually help us evolve. They are philosophers and peacemakers of a very high order, and they speak not just to reason or emotion, but to the soul. — Mark Morford

Well, it’s almost 2012 and we all know what that means: Republicans will be out in full force, fracturing America’s unity and campaigning on empty slogans like “hope and change.” Of course, as we all now know, you don’t “change” horses in mid-stream!

Look at all the problems America has right now. The economy is in terrible shape, we’re not creating jobs, we’ve lost our AAA rating, we’re fighting three wars, gas prices are through the ceiling; it goes on and on. Only one candidate in the race has experience — the most important qualification for dealing with those issues. By the time the election comes around, Barack Obama will have been President for four years, which will make him the most experienced candidate to be President!

In fact, it’s hard to figure out why anyone would want to replace Barack Obama. Of course, there is at least one reason that always instantly comes to mind.

1) You don’t hate black people….do you? Gee, if only there were an obvious reason so many people don’t like Obama. Something SKIN DEEP. Something everyone would notice immediately about him. What could that be? Hmmmmmm? No, it’s not the SOCIALISM, you Tea Party smart-alecks! He’s black! If he were white, do you know what his approval rating would be? What do you mean zero because he could have never been elected President if he weren’t black? You guys think you’re REAL funny, don’t you?

2) Let me say one name: George W. Bush. Need I say more? Well, maybe I do since Bush now has a higher approval rating than Barack Obama. Here’s the short version: Every good thing that’s happened since Obama got into office is his fault, while every bad thing was inherited from Bush. What else did Obama inherit from Bush? Uh, I don’t know, what? A AAA credit rating? Oh, VERY funny, Tea Partiers! That’ll be enough from you for this column! Pick any bad thing: Debt? Bush’s fault! Cash for clunkers? Bush’s fault! Rain yesterday? Bush’s fault! Some of Michelle Obama’s more unfortunate wardrobe choices? Bush’s fault!

3) If not for the stimulus and bailouts, we’d be in even WORSE shape! Many people think Obama’s trillion dollar stimulus was a failure because his administration promised it would keep unemployment under 8% while our jobless rate has been above 9% since May of 2009. The same goes for the bailouts. Many people have called the bailout of General Motors a failure. Well, some people might think it wasn’t worth losing 13 billion dollars in taxpayer dollars plus giving GM a 45 billion tax break to help a union that worked so hard to get Barack Obama elected, but who doesn’t love loyalty? These guys aren’t going to help Barack Obama get elected for nothing! Besides, what people don’t understand is that the economy was even worse off than we thought and if we hadn’t spent all that money, we’d be in real trouble now! It’s sort of like playing Black Jack! Sure, you may lose your kid’s college education fund at the tables one night, but if you hadn’t lost all that money, it would just be sitting in the bank gathering dust — and what good is that?

4) Need I remind you of who got Osama Bin Laden? In all of America’s history, there may not have been a gutsier call than this one. It was a moment best compared to Truman making the decision to drop the A-bomb or Lincoln first calling up volunteers to fight the Civil War.

The military walked up to Barack Obama and said, “We know where Osama Bin Laden is — can we go shoot him in the forehead?” Barack Obama could have said, “No.” He could have said, “You can go, but the only weapons you can use are biodegradable ninja stars.” Instead, he boldly worked with his advisers to figure out how he could best exploit the killing of Osama Bin Laden politically, came up with a dashing plan to take as much credit as possible, and then, in a decision sure to be criticized by the powerful pro-Al-Qaeda lobby in D.C., he looked those generals square in the eyes and said, “Sure, g-g-g-go ahead and get Bin Laden — well, if you think it’ll be okay!” Now that’s the kind of gutsy call that earns a man four more years in D.C.!

5) Are you going to really replace Obama with a REPUBLICAN? We all know that (Insert name of candidate who wins) is in the back pocket of the Tea Party and Rush Limbaugh. Additionally, is there anyone who’d deny that (Insert name of candidate who wins) is (stupid/crazy or crazy and stupid)? While Barack Obama is a centrist, (Insert name of candidate who wins) was the most EXTREME candidate in the race. If (Insert name of candidate who wins) is victorious, America will go back to the days of slavery! Medicare? Social Security? (Insert name of candidate who wins) has made it clear those programs are gone if Obama goes down! Moreover, it’s impossible not to see what a racist (Insert name of candidate who wins) happens to be! Why, just look at (Insert completely irrelevant incident that would pass without notice if a Democrat did it). That proves beyond a shadow of a doubt (Insert name of candidate who wins) hates black people — along with women, Muslims, Jews, gays, Hispanics! Don’t take my word for it; just read what’s written at (Insert name of left-wing paper that has done the latest hatchet job). Why, even (David Frum and/or Meghan McCain and/or David Brooks and/or random former John McCain staffer) say that (Insert name of candidate who wins) is an EXTREMIST — and they’re diehard conservatives!

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