Al Gore, Giggling Crazed Sex Poodle

Life isn’t always a bowl of cherries, even for zillionaire climate crusader Al Gore. Sure, he’s got a vast new mansion and a carbon footprint any 19th century industrialist could take pride in, but his marriage has fallen apart, he has been exposed as a philanderer, global warming is now recognized by most anyone who knows what year it is as a hoax, and now he stands accused of molesting a masseuse. From The Smoking Gun:

In a bizarre statement to police, the Oregon woman who claims that Al Gore fondled and groped her during a massage session described the former Vice President as a giggling “crazed sex poodle” who gave a “come hither” look before pouncing on her in a Portland hotel suite. In a taped January 2009 interview with cops, the 54-year-old woman, a licensed masseuse whose name has been redacted from police records, read from a lengthy prepared statement that detailed her alleged October 2006 encounter with Gore at the Hotel Lucia. … [The masseuse] approached Portland police and sought to memorialize her allegations against Gore, who she portrayed as a tipsy, handsy predator who forced her to drink Grand Marnier, pinned her to a bed, and forcibly French kissed her. The woman’s statement–which could be mistaken for R-rated Vice Presidential fan fiction–describes Gore as a man with a “violent temper as well as extremely dictatorial commanding attitude besides his Mr. Smiley Global Warming concern persona.” After fleeing Gore’s suite, the woman returned home to discover, a la Lewinsky, “stains on the front of my black slacks.” Suspecting that the stains were Gore bodily fluids, the woman made sure not to clean them.

Maybe this woman will turn out to be a crank, but the forcible French kissing certainly does sound like Albert. Here’s a PDF of the police report.

Try as they might, Gore’s friends in the media won’t be able to prop up the collapsing reputation of a man once so mighty that he almost managed to bully his way into the Oval Office even after losing the presidential election. Now that self-indulgence has reduced his malignant career to bawdy vaudeville, and his Great Global Warming Swindle has been revealed by the ham-fisted Obama as a naked grab for money and power, Prince Albert will be left to rot and grow fatter in his lonely mansion. The best he can hope for is that his Hollyweird friends will help him be remembered as something more formidable than a “giggling crazed sex poodle”:


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On tips from Edward, J, Julie, and Chris. Cross-posted at Moonbattery.

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