I Made a New Word XL

Frum • i • fes • to (n.)

A Frumifesto is a manifesto written down by a liberal jackass pretending to be a conservative, crying into his beer grape juice that “today’s” conservatives aren’t acting like “real” conservatives, which means like liberals.

Like this guy over here.

Some ingredients in the mix are regular fixtures.

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1. She’s in there. Oh yes. Bank on it. The Wonder of Wasilla.
2. The drive against intellectualism. That’s right, these slope-head conservatives of today use their bare feet to propel their little Flintstone’s cars, and they want you to do the same.
3. Putting the hate on the O-man because of His Holy Pigment. That’s right…if only there was a white guy turning America into a socialist paradise, these neanderthal conservatives would be as pleased as punch. They’re upset because He’s too dark.
4. Buckley will get a mention. George F. Will’s name will probably be used too, even though he isn’t dead.
5. Maybe some made-up stories about racist signs seen at tea parties. Or some real stories about real signs carried by infiltrators, which are made-up tea-party people. Also, the “one percent” canard, supposedly the black tea party people are below 1% and this means there’s something wrong with the movement. Xenophobia, nationalism, et al.
6. Global warming. Why won’t these modern conservatives just accept it.

Outside of those staples, on a case-by-case basis the Frumifesto takes off in all sorts of exotic, imaginative, spontaneous directions. Like, for example…

…no, check that. They’re all pretty much identical. I don’t know why anybody bothers to write new ones, I really don’t. Because other people fall for them, I guess.

Well Jonah Goldberg wrote up a good column about how it’s all a crock. Then FrankJ noticed Goldberg’s column and wrapped it.

Me, I’m lamenting the demise of yesterday’s liberals.

I had not yet left my hometown, which was a college community and still is. Liberals back then didn’t seem like anything I’d one day miss. They hated Reagan and they said a lot of stupid sh*t about it. Like for example…”we” already had the power to blow up the world seven thousand times and here we were building even more nuclear missiles. They wore socks under their Birkenstocks. They were mostly male, old, white, fat, and smelled funny. Their eyebrows stuck out and curled around. You wondered how long the eyebrow hairs were if they were stretched out. Like the Ayatollah Khomenei. They could hide sandwiches in those things. Every one of ’em looked like an evil f*cking Santa Claus.

But if you disagreed with them, they just grunted at you. Gugh. Grrr. You wouldn’t get some theory pulled out of thin air about your latent racism or homosexuality. Not that they weren’t a bunch of pretentious intellectual wanna-be types. They were semi-retired professors after all. Like me, they found it difficult to have a thought without jotting down a few pages…except they were much more enthused about making up stories. It would have been a natural fit. Maybe they just didn’t think of it.

Maybe they went on to write a bunch of Frumifestos.

The point is, every single person on the earth who disagreed with them, was not automatically a racist. I miss that. Like today’s liberals, they still pretended to possess a monopoly on “reasoned discourse”…and like today’s liberals, they didn’t come even close to delivering on it. They wanted diversity only with regard to religion and skin color, not about political opinions. Just like today’s liberals.

But they didn’t commit slander quite so often. Back then, it would have taken some work. It wasn’t like today when it seems to come automatically, even to the brainless.

Cross-posted at House of Eratosthenes.

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