Liberals: Eat Guinea Pigs To Stop Global Warming

23 Apr, 2013 by John Hawkins

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What’s the only thing worse than eating a pet? How about eating a friendly, lovable PET RODENT? Yes folks, believe it or not, there are liberals out there who’ve decided that guinea pigs are “the other white meat.”

Why would liberals eat such sweet little creatures? For the environment, naturally!

Matt Miller with The Nature Conservancy, says “They were encouraging people to switch from cattle to guinea pigs.” According to Miller, “Guinea pigs don’t require the land that cattle do. They can be kept in backyards, or in your home. They’re docile and easy to raise.”

Wow, that also sounds like a good description of puppies. Let’s hope liberals don’t conclude that eating Scooby-Doo will help fight global warming, too.

Miller also sadly noted that Americans are unlikely to be buying any guinea pig helper soon, “There’s a clear cultural prejudice against eating guinea pigs, and rodents in general, in the United States,” Miller said. “But finding ways to reduce our carbon footprint is a good idea, and so is eating small livestock, like guinea pigs.”

Just in case you’re wondering if there is actually anyone eating Guinea pigs in the United States, the answer to that question is, “yes.”

Peruvian restaurants like Urubamba in Queens and La Mar Cebicheria in San Francisco do serve chipper little pets, although there’s no word on whether you can bring your kid’s Guinea pig from home and have them cook it up for you on the grill.