Global Warming Produces Plague of Giant Jellyfish

17 Nov, 2009 by Dave Blount

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Even as the wheels come loose from the discredited global warming hoax, the statist media continues to fabricate exotic new threats in an increasingly farcical attempt to scare us into believing in the liberal elite’s favorite Trojan horse for totalitarianism. Now we need the Authorities to do something really drastic or we’ll be menaced by giant jellyfish:

A blood-orange blob the size of a small refrigerator emerged from the dark waters, its venomous tentacles trapped in a fishing net. Within minutes, hundreds more were being hauled up, a pulsating mass crowding out the catch of mackerel and sea bass.

The fishermen leaned into the nets, grunting and grumbling as they tossed the translucent jellyfish back into the bay, giants weighing up to 200 kilograms (450 pounds), marine invaders that are putting the men’s livelihoods at risk. …

Scientists believe climate change — the warming of oceans — has allowed some of the almost 2,000 jellyfish species to expand their ranges, appear earlier in the year and increase overall numbers, much as warming has helped ticks, bark beetles and other pests to spread to new latitudes.

The gelatinous seaborne creatures are blamed for decimating fishing industries in the Bering and Black seas, forcing the shutdown of seaside power and desalination plants in Japan, the Middle East and Africa, and terrorizing beachgoers worldwide, the U.S. National Science Foundation says.

The only solution to a plague of giant jellyfish is still more bloated and omnipresent Big Government, as AP hastens to make clear.

“We have been getting rid of jellyfish. But no matter how hard we try, the jellyfish keep coming and coming,” said Fumio Oma, whose crew is out of work after their net broke under the weight of thousands of jellyfish. “We need the government’s help to get rid of the jellyfish.” …

Addressing the surge in jellyfish blooms in most places will require long-term fixes, such as introducing fishing quotas and pollution controls, as well as capping greenhouse gas emissions to control global warming, experts said.

What experts? What are they experts on? Never mind, all experts know what they’re talking about or they wouldn’t be experts, and the experts say jellyfish belong on The List.