Fatwa Issued Against Fake Fatwa Issuer’s Fatwas

28 Aug, 2010 by Warner Todd Huston

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Youssef Al-Ahmed, a Saudi cleric, issued a fatwa against the supermarket chain Panda for daring to hire women who mingle with male customers and employees alike.

But Grand Mufti Sheik Abdul-Aziz Al Sheik has issued a fatwa against the fatwa issued by Youssef Al-Ahmed because Al-Ahmed is not of sufficient status to issue fatwas.

In reply Al-Ahmed issued a fatwaette against any of his junior clerics from talking about the rescinded fatwa.

Grand Mufti Sheik Abdul-Aziz Al Sheik then issued a fatwa against fatwaettes saying you can’t have smaller fatwas. “A fatwa is a fatwa is a fatwa,” the Mufti said.

Al-Ahmed sent a holy text on his i-Phone to the Grand Mufti asking if he might issue lite-twas, instead?

The Grand Mufti texted back saying that Al-Ahmed could issue lite-twas but only once a month and only against fast food places and not supermarkets.

Al-Ahmed countered with asking permission to issue lite-twas against gas station lunch counters and fast food places.

The Grand Mufti agreed but told him that he couldn’t issue lite-twas against Taco Bell because the Mufti loved their goat meat tacos.

Al-Ahmed agreed and issued his first lite-twa against Burger King because they forgot to add extra pickles the last time he drove his limo through the drive thu.

And God approved.

As-Salamu ‘Alaykum, everybody.