Chancellor Gerhard Claims The U.S. Knows Nothing About Brutality And Torture By Marni Malarkey

Chancellor Gerhard Claims The U.S. Knows Nothing About Brutality And Torture By Marni Malarkey: German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder has stated that everything must be done” to prevent war in the Persian Gulf. In a blow to President Bush’s attempts to forge a coalition in support of military action, Schroeder further said Washington shouldn’t “expect Germany to approve a resolution which would give legitimacy to war. Particulary a war we didn’t start. After all, Germans have a long and proud history of starting up mindless aggressions and it’s humiliating for us to have to support one which we did not trigger. Especially since this war isn’t even really all that mindless.”

The rejection of Bush’s plan is, according to a White House spokesman, the result of a perceived snub on the part of the President towards the German leader. In a phone conversation last week, Schroeder apparently told Bush that if he wanted to wage a successful war, he should allow Berlin to “run the show” because “you wussy Americans know nothing about brutality and torture. I mean, who do you think you are — Germans or something?” When the President declined Schroeder’s generous offer, the Chancellor, in a controversial attempt to relive his country’s “glory days,” allegedly told Bush Germany would fully support an attack on Iraq if “you would at least let us run all the POW camps, ok?” According to the White House spokesman, Schroeder went on to argue — to no avail — that Germans were “really good at that stuff,” and would “make those Iraqis wish they had never seen a jackboot.”

If you enjoyed this satire by Marni Malarkey, you can see more of her work at Broken Newz.

Share this!

Enjoy reading? Share it with your friends!