Now The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy Has You

Now The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy Has You: Michele from A Small Victory has said that four blogs have “delinked” in the last few days. I’ve only seen one of them and it was a lefty site. Which makes you wonder if being named “website of the day” on certain conservative blog that shall remain nameless a couple of weeks ago had anything to do with annoying her liberal friends into dropping her? Michele compared it to having kids in school who didn’t want to sit next to you in the cafeteria….

“…Thanks, guys. Notice I’m still taking care not to mention any names or put any links here. Anyone else going to step forward and say something? Come on, you can do it.

My name is ____________ and I am taking Michele off my links list

…I’m hurt, I’m sad and I am full of more f*cking rage now than ever. Just leave your name here if you are going to take me off your links list so you don’t have to go make a f*cking announcement on your own blogs that you think I’m an *ss.

I’m 40 years old and this is grade school all over again, when Gloria told everyone that she hated me, so of course everyone else came out of the woodworks to hate me, too. It’s like bringing your lunch into the cafeteria and realizing that there’s nowhere to sit because no one will make a space for you.”

It was probably too late to help, but I realized I had to try to give Michele some cover with her lefty friends while simultaneously giving her a heaping helping of liberal compassion. So I made the following post in that thread…

“My name is John Hawkins and I have taken Michele off of my links list because of her belligerence and latent conservatism.

I’m afraid that like Gloria, I can no longer share a table with you Michele in your right-wing kitchen of cruelty where your school lunch program doles out anger like gravy on top a particularly lumpy pile of mashed “taters” (as people from the South call them).

If only the lunch lady in your cafeteria were handing out sides of compassion and an extra-helping of love to go along with the meatloaf I could continue to link your blog. But what sort of person would I be if I continued to dine in your cafeteria of rage?

But it doesn’t have to be this way Michele! You don’t have to drink the spoiled milk of fury or nibble on my ear — woah Freudian slip there — nibble on the creamed corn of Fascism. Add another l to your name Michele, an l for love =D

Yours in fata morgana

John Hawkins”

Unfortunately, Michele made no posts about her lefty friends giving her linky love again. Worse yet, Michele did a post about how her opinions have moved to the right

“Let’s get some facts straight. While I have been a registered Republican since 1980 (when I voted for John Anderson!), it doesn’t mean I ever voted that way. And while I may have been a pacifist and tree-hugger at one point, it does not mean I ever embraced idiots like Moore and Chomsky.

I don’t call myself anything although I did refer to myself as a “liberatarian conservative f*ckhead opinionated jackass” on Stacy’s blog today.

The thing is, I am finally home. I feel comfortable here. My views have not so much changed as I have. What’s different about the 2001 me and the 2002 version is that I believe in myself now. I don’t doubt my convictions, I don’t lose sleep over my thoughts. All this thinking, all this writing, all this reading, it’s lead me to here. And this is where I want to be. Take it or leave it. And if you leave it, you know what? It’s your loss. Because I am a d*mned good friend. Politics, religion and baseball teams aside.”

I now realized that my previous post had been in vain. The Vast Right Wing conspiracy had locked it’s misshapen jaws around Michele’s ankle and was dragging her into its doghouse of doom! It was too late to save Michele from her fate so I decided to give her a few more words of advice…

“Bwahahahahah! It always starts with a few small changes and then next thing you know the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy has you fully in it’s grip! Today, you’re leaning right — but in a year you’ll be demanding a flat tax, asking why Bush hasn’t already leveled Damascus, and you’ll be cursing George Bush 41 for being such a lefty.

Don’t even ask about the Nixon bobblehead dolls — don’t even ask…

John Hawkins
Minion of the Vast Right Conspiracy”

There are some advantages to being a member of the Vast Right Conspiracy (or VRWC as we in the know like to call it). The VRWC and the Jews control the entire planet. The thing about the Jews controlling America? It’s a myth (although though oddly enough they do run Iran — even I can’t figure that one out). We spend our days dining on endangered species and our nights sleeping on the finest beds made in our “child labor camps” in Latin America.

We know things you can’t even imagine. Kennedy? He was assassinated by a young peanut farmer from Georgia who was so upset by what he did that he promised that he’d become President of the United States and win a Nobel Peace Prize to make up for it. We even know what Yasser Arafat does with all those baby wipes he seems to always keep on hand — (I would tell you but it’s incredibly disturbing. Pat Buchanan went completely insane after hearing about it).

But enough talk, if I say much more Henry Kissenger will have me killed. Michele, glad to have you in the club! I can’t really get into this (Kissenger has already paged me), but let me just say that all new members have a feast in their honor and if you’ve never eaten Spotted Owl served up with a side of Nessie (yes, THAT Nessie), then you’re in for a treat…

***Update***: Michele Catalano has received her VRWC membership card and has posted it up on her page…

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