August 6 PDB Reveals CIA Agents Rely On ‘TV News’ By Scott Ott

After careful analysis, the now-famous President’s Daily Brief (PDB) memo from August 6, 2001 seems to reveal that the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency relies heavily on a previously-unknown intelligence source, code-named ‘TV News.’

A clearer picture of the shadowy world of international espionage emerged in the memo which stated: Bin Ladin implied in US television interviews in 1997 and 1998 that his followers would follow the example of World Trade Center bomber Ramzi Yousef and “bring the fighting to America.”

“When you say ‘CIA Agents’ most people picture James Bond-style spies, sleuthing around at risk of life and limb,” said one unnamed source at the CIA (who is not Valerie Plame). “But most of the time, we’re flopped on the couch, eating Pop-Tarts and watching the top three news networks — FoxNews, CNN and al Jazeera. Of course, it’s all in a top-secret, secure location and the TV satellite signal is encrypted.”

The source noted that the CIA uses “descrambling” technology, purchased on the cyber-black market, to decode the satellite ‘TV signal’.

White House spokesman Scott McClellan said the president receives a similar “feed” directly from a cable TV company, through a “digital black box” which sits on top of a “TV set.”

If you enjoyed this satire from Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.

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