Business Leaders Embrace Clark’s Economic Plan By Scott Ott

An overnight poll shows that business leaders nationwide overwhelmingly support the economic stimulus plan announced yesterday by Democrat presidential candidate Wesley Clark.

The vast majority of those polled agreed that Clark’s proposed repeal of the Bush tax cuts for families earning more than $200,000 annually is almost guaranteed to spark a boom in consumer spending that would create more jobs.

Clark’s plan calls for using the money recalled from taxpayers to shrink the deficit and boost spending on homeland security, health care, financial aid to states and incentives for businesses to create jobs.

“That’s a whole lot better than wasting money by returning it to the taxpayers and taxpaying businesses from whence it came,” said an unnamed owner of a small factory near Peculiar, Missouri. “I particularly like the government incentives to create jobs. My company is just so lazy about creating jobs. We need the government to give us a good reason to do it. We’ve been walking away from sales and leaving orders unfilled because we just don’t want the hassle of hiring more people to handle the increased production.”

Business leaders also endorsed, by a 4-to-1 margin, Clark’s plan to increase financial aid to states.

“We’d love to surrender our tax-cuts so the Federal government can take that money from Missouri and give it to Kansas,” the factory owner said. “It’s all fair, because they’ll be taking money from Kansas to give it to Missouri. Most business leaders agree with Wes Clark that the problem with America is that the money is all in the wrong places. For example, innovative, industrious people have far too much money. That’s why we pay Federal employees to rearrange our money, putting it where it wouldn’t otherwise naturally go.”

As Mr. Clark announced his new plan, he said, “Thanks to George Bush, the Federal government is in a hole. You’ve heard the old expression ‘If you’re in a hole, stop digging.’ Well, I say ‘If you’re in a hole that you dug, get the taxpayers to pull you out.’ That’s the philosophy behind my plan to rescue our democratic bureaucracy.”

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.

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