Commies Vs. Capitalist Cleanliness At Harvard

Welcome To Harvard comrade! The school where all students are equal! Why, the very idea that one member of the proletariat could afford to have something that another member could not is so infuriating that the school paper, the aptly named Harvard Crimson, has written an editorial denouncing such capitalist practices! Read and learn comrade, read and learn:

“…Dormaid, founded by Michael E. Kopko ’07, is a cleaning service that allows students to avoid the perennial problem of dingy, smutty, questionably-habitable rooms. But as appealing as the thought of a perpetually tidy room may be, (independent of family visits), Dormaid could potentially mess up as many rooms as it cleans. By creating yet another differential between the haves and have-nots on campus, Dormaid threatens our student unity.

There are already plenty of services at Harvard that sharpen the differences between socioeconomic classes. Harvard Student Agency Cleaners, for example, lets some students pick up clean and neatly-folded clothes in crackling plastic bags. The less well-off among us, however, make semi-weekly journeys to the basement with bulging mesh laundry bags and quarters in hand. These differences extend to the social sphere as well—to final clubs composed predominately of wealthy young men, or to basic activities, like eating out, that some students cannot afford to enjoy. But while class differences are a fact of life—yes, there are both rich and poor people at Harvard—there is no reason to exacerbate these differences further with a room-cleaning service.

…Harvard administrators and House Masters should have known better than to approve Dormaid. While it provides a useful service, Dormaid’s cost to campus life outweighs its positive aspects. Harvard makes strong efforts to open this school to students of all backgrounds. These efforts must not end with a number in a financial aid packet. This openness must be imbued in the atmosphere of this school, which means that unneeded distinctions between the rich and the poor are the last things that Harvard needs to foster. Although Harvard has given its approval, students don’t have to. We urge the student body to boycott Dormaid. Everyone’s certainly busy, but Harvard students shouldn’t choose convenience over healthy relationships with their blockmates. It’s up to each one of us to ensure that our peers feel comfortable on campus, and if that means plugging in a vacuum every two weeks, then so be it.”

Remember comrades, Communism is never truly dead as long as it is reflected in your words and deeds. So tremble all you capitalist running dogs and bourgeois pigs who want to take advantage of the savage inequities of capitalism to have your rooms cleaned while the workers cannot afford it, because the Harvard Crimson will bury you!

Hat tip to Tongue Tied for the story.

Update #1: I just wanted to make it clear that I have no idea whether the people who run the Harvard Crimson define themselves as Commies or not. But whether they accept or reject the Communist label, what they’re proposing would certainly warm the cockles of Karl Marx’s cold, black, and happily no longer beating, Commie heart and that’s what I wanted to get across.

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