Durbin Decries Saddam’s ‘Junk-Food Jailers’ — Satire By Scott Ott

Sen. Dick Durbin, who recently compared U.S. personnel at the Guantánamo Bay terrorist-detention facility to Nazis, took the Senate floor today to slam U.S. troops in Iraq for their “progressive poisoning” of the imprisoned Saddam Hussein with snack foods.

The Illinois Democrat’s criticism follows published reports that the former Iraqi president sometimes eats an entire family-sized bag of Doritos in 10 minutes.

While Doritos contain no trans-fats, eating such a large quantity at a single sitting subjects Mr. Hussein to high-levels of salt and puts him at risk of acute salivary-depletion syndrome, Mr. Durbin said.

“In our name, these junk-food jailers have loaded up Saddam with non-nutritive calories, thereby tarnishing our nation’s reputation in the Muslim world,” the Senator said. “President Hussein is locked up in a horrifying high-sodium slammer. No wonder the insurgents attack our troops.”

This satire was used with the permission of Scrappleface.

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