Freaky eBay Auction

05 Mar, 2003 by John Hawkins

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Freaky eBay Auction: This eBay auction has nothing to do with Conservatism, but it was so freaky that I had to cover it. You might want to make sure your mouth is free of soda and that you’re not getting ready to eat before you look at this…

“Up for auction is a frozen two headed calf that was still born on February 25, 2003. It has been in the freezer since it was born! Great for research!!! Please email me for shipping costs. The calf weighs 60-70 lbs. I’m not sure how to ship it! We’ll discuss it if you are the winning bidder!!!”

This is really evil, but you know what my first thought was? “Wow, wouldn’t it be cool to buy that calf and sneak it into a friend’s apartment?” Can you imagine what would happen?

They come home late at night and it’s dark as they fumble for their keys. They walk into their apartment and notice…an odd smell. Hmmm…they start to walk into the apartment and their foot hits something heavy that gives when they kick it…it almost feels like a corpse. Then as a shiver runs up their spine they reach back and hit the light switch and in the floor is that two headed monstrosity looking up at them with empty lifeless eyes. I’m telling you, that would make a Navy SEAL soil his underwear and run screaming away in horror. Like I said before, freaky….