Kerry Sorry for Remark About Cheney’s Lesbian Child By Scott Ott

John Forbes Kerry, father of two heterosexual daughters, today apologized for referring to the sexual preference of Vice President Dick Cheney’s daughter during last night’s final presidential debate.

“There’s nothing wrong with being one of God’s homosexual children,” said Mr. Kerry, an openly-heterosexual veteran of foreign war who is also a U.S. Senator, “And far be it from me to pry into the private life of Mr. Cheney’s lesbian child, who is gay and a homosexual. People can’t choose whom they will love, and so I should not have mentioned that his daughter is a lesbian person, and not a heterosexual, but in fact a gay homosexual woman who is a lesbian with the last name Cheney.”

Mr. Kerry said he would send a card to the vice president’s daughter to fully express his regrets.

“I’m sure Hallmark has a nice collection of cards that say things like, ‘I’m sorry I talked about your sexual preferences on national TV’,” said Mr. Kerry. “But I really wasn’t trying to remind conservatives that the vice president has a daughter who is not heterosexual, but rather a homosexual lesbian gay woman named Cheney.”

Mr. Kerry’s running mate, John Edwards, will reportedly issue an apology tomorrow for similar remarks he made during his debate with Mr. Cheney.

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can see more of his work at Scrappleface.

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