Kerry-Edwards Spend $50M to Prove They’re ‘Regular Folks’ By Scott Ott

02 Sep, 2004 by John Hawkins

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The Kerry-Edwards presidential campaign today announced it will spend $50 million in the next few days on advertising to prove John Forbes Kerry and John Edwards understand the concerns of middle Americans.

“We’re regular folks, just like all you ordinary people, and we’re going to burn through $50 million in about week just to prove it,” said Mr. Kerry, a Vietnam veteran and distinguished anti-war protestor who is also a U.S. Senator. “Sen. Edwards and I got this $50 million the old fashioned way–by asking generous friends in Hollywood, at union headquarters and at the trial lawyers association to give it to us. You should see our callouses.”

Before a crowd of cheering supporters, Mr. Kerry shouted, “We have been oppressed by those fatcat Republicans for too long.”

Mr. Kerry and Mr. Edwards then led the crowd in chanting: “Down with The Man. Power to the people.”

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.