M*A*S*H* Fans Eager For New Korean War By Bob From Accounting

Seoul, South Korea – While the Bush Administration continues to condemn North Korea for reactivating its nuclear reactors, expelling U.N. inspectors, and pulling out of a 1994 global non-proliferation treaty, a large contingent of American television viewers are excited about the possibility of a new Korean conflict —and perhaps a MASH spinoff.

Fans of MASH, the Emmy Award-winning TV show set at the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital during an 11 year run ending in 1983, are glued to the television –and not just at 10:30 weeknights on TV Land. They watch CNN, hoping Pyongyang’s nuclear ambitions and continued tensions with the U.S. and South Korea will possibly bring Hawkeye Pierce, BJ Hunnicutt, Hot Lips Hoolihan and the rest of the gang together for a warm, but relevant jaunt back to the front lines of the war-battered Korean peninsula.

“This is way more exciting then when Rhoda and Mary were reported hanging out again on the CBS lot,” said 28-year-old accounts payable supervisor Lance Lisanti. “It would be so cool if all those doctors and Radar and everyone got to go back there and do all that funny stuff again, like having a liquor still in their tent. That killed me.”

35-year-old fan Dawn Brenner couldn’t agree more, admitting she has wished for years she could see whatever became of all those funny surgeons and staff of the 4077th.

“My first question of course would be if they actually remained friends all these years– even though Hawkeye lives in Crabapple Cove, while BJ lives way out West in California,” Brenner said. “Plus I wonder if maybe a more mature Hawkeye would ever let his true feelings be known for Margaret. Maybe in the new show Hawkeye’s about to propose but then he takes some shrapnel to the chest and it looks like he’s going to die. Then Major Winchester proposes to her instead! That would be awesome!”

While Pyongyang accuses the Bush Administration of acts of aggression, including labeling North Korea as part of the infamous “Axis of Evil,” South Korea and the United States are actively searching for a diplomatic solution to the standoff.

Meanwhile MASH fan club president Harvey Yang is spearheading an effort to send thousands of letters to the show’s creators, begging them to go back overseas and show everyone all the horrors of war in a completely new TV show — but with all the regulars.

“Maybe they could have a dream sequence show where Hawkeye asks Colonel Blake for advice even though he’s dead and Frank Burns is awarded the Nobel Peace Prize or something weird like that, and then they wake up all freaked out and Sidney Freedman comes for a visit,” Yang said. “Dr. Freedman rocks.”

Yang continued, “and maybe have Klinger ‘s son by his marriage to Soon-Lee join the North Korean Army and she doesn’t know what to do so Klinger has a talk with him and then is forced to shoot him even though Father Mulcahy accidentally gets shot when he tries to intervene. “This new show would be so great!”

President Bush has said repeatedly he plans to keeps all his options open, but still believes the standoff between the two nations can be resolved diplomatically.

Although he too would like to see Hawkeye and Hot Lips get together.

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