Poll: 100% Of Republicans Approve Choice Of Dean By Andy Borowitz

Former Vermont Gov Unites GOP, Survey Indicates In a strong show of support for former Vermont Governor Howard Dean, 100% of likely Republican voters approve of Dr. Dean’s selection as Democratic Party chairman, a new survey indicates.

The poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, reveals that Republicans are approximately twenty times as excited about Dr. Dean’s selection as Democrats are.

According to the survey, 97% of all Republicans describe themselves as “ecstatic” about the former Vermont Governor chairing the Democratic National Committee, while 99% describe themselves as “giddy beyond belief.”

When asked how they intend to celebrate Dr. Dean’s appointment to the DNC chair, Republicans were evenly divided, with 48% saying they would “jump for joy” while 47% said they would “dance a jig.”

The results of the survey surprised many political observers, since Dr. Dean now appears to have unified the GOP more than any current Republican politician including President George W. Bush.

At DNC headquarters, the former Vermont Governor said that he was “heartened” by the poll results, telling reporters, “I knew that I had it in me to unify a party — I just didn’t know that it would be the other one.”

Dr. Dean added that he ultimately had the ability to appeal to all Americans, Republicans and Democrats alike: “I may be from a blue state, but once I start talking my face gets really, really red.”

Elsewhere, Britain’s Prince Harry said that he is looking forward to his father’s marriage to Camilla Parker Bowles and that he has already picked out “just the right outfit” for the wedding.

This satire was used with the permission of Andy Borowitz from the Borowitz Report. You can read more of his work by clicking here.

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