Revealed: Alito Made Anti-Choice Facial Expression In 1969 — Satire By Liberal Larry

10 Jan, 2006 by John Hawkins

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The Shrub may have thought he could slip his boy onto the bench as easy as Harry Bellafonte at a socialist dictator convention, but the confirmation of Judge Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court was dealt a serious blow last week with startling revelations that he was once the member of a known sexist, racist, and homophobic organization. Both the Boy Scouts of America and Alito have yet to deny the allegations, which only lends credence to their authenticity. In addition, Alito’s recent submission to Yahoo! Movies of a slightly less then stellar review of Brokeback Mountain sheds even more light on his extremist past. Now, shocking new evidence has surfaced that may be the final nail in Alito’s confirmation coffin.

According to several people who knew the Judge when he was still a law student at Princeton, Alito once “rolled his eyes with disapproval” upon overhearing a feminist student boast that she had terminated ten unwanted pregnancies, and was looking forward to the “Big Double-Toothpicks”.

The repugs are already in full spin mode, claiming that Alito’s clearly anti-choice facial expression was merely a nervous tick, or perhaps a natural reaction to the clouds of toxic smoke from burning books, bras, and draft cards. Whatever Alito’s sorry excuse is, his behavior was certainly less than one would expect from a man who claims to be a defender of our civil liberties.

The traumatized coed needed months of counseling before she was able to once again exercise her right to choose with a clear conscience. Today, she’s the chairperson of NARAL, a nonpartisan, grassroots organization dedicated to protecting women and their abortionists from maniacs like Alito, and unwanted children from the cruel indignity of birth. But time will never heal the emotional scars she suffered from Alito’s vicious assault.

Tomorrow, Senate Democrats will decide whether to put this fascist on the bench – a man who didn’t like Brokeback Mountain and can, with the mere twitch of his extremist eyebrow, condemn millions of women to the horrors of back-alley abortions.

Unlike the women in Alito’s bizarre fantasy world, Democrats actually have a choice. Let’s hope they make the right one.

This satire was used with the permission of BlameBush!.