Saddam — Undead Despot?

18 Mar, 2003 by John Hawkins

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Saddam — Undead Despot?: The Globe and Mail has interviewed a crackpot Iraqi doctor who has a rather odd theory about Saddam Hussein…

“About 10 years ago, I became interested in the link between physical traits and personality,” he said. “I began to study Saddam Hussein but when I looked at his ears in photographs I saw something very strange. They were different.” Using a mixture of dentistry, palmistry and Chinese-style face reading, Mr. al-Essadi says he can say with scientific certainty what many others have suggested before: that Mr. Hussein uses at least three body doubles, who are chosen at apparent random to fulfill presidential duties ranging from television appearances to meetings with foreign dignitaries. If true, it poses a tricky set of questions for those who would seek to capture, kill or exile the Iraqi President. How would they know they had the real Saddam Hussein?

“I believe he is dead,” Mr. al-Essadi said. “I have seen secret documents that say he was diagnosed with lymphatic cancer in 1998 and given six months to live.” Mr. Hussein’s first wife has left him and returned to her first husband, Mr. al-Essadi added, which “would never happen if Saddam was alive.”

Of course, if Saddam is dead — then who is running the show in Iraq? Could Saddam have an evil twin or is a Raelian clone actually in charge? Maybe Saddam’s kids are running a “Weekend At Bernies” style prank on everyone…

…or perhaps we must consider the most chilling possibility of all: that Saddam did die in 1998 and that he has returned from the dead as a blood sucking vampire despot!!!! If that were the case, could our troops be preparing to face an undead army of indestructable vampire warriors who are impervious to our weapons and hungry for the blood of Americans?

Ehr…no & I can’t believe the Globe and Mail interviewed that guy and presented him as some kind of an expert.