‘Senate Page Veterans for Truth’ Launch Anti-Kerry Ads By Scott Ott

While his battle against his former swift boat comrades raged on, Democrat presidential candidate John Forbes Kerry learned today he will have to fight a two-front political war as yet another anti-Kerry group prepared to release a book and TV ads to challenge the candidate’s version of events in his life.

‘Senate Page Veterans for Truth’ (SPVT), a coalition of 254 people who used to carry messages around the Senate floor, announced the publication of Empty Desk: The Senate Career of John F. Kerry.

“We’re not accusing Kerry of lying or being a bad leader or even dramatizing injuries,” said an unnamed spokesman for SPVT. “We’re saying, ‘We couldn’t deliver messages to him, because he wasn’t really there.’ It was Christmas in Cambodia all over again.”

The Kerry campaign immediately filed a complaint with the Federal Election Commission and Amazon.com to block the ads and the book.

“My time at that senate desk is seared….seared in my memory, and on my dorsal regions,” said Mr. Kerry. “This is clearly part of George Bush’s plot to suggest that I wasn’t really a senator, just because I have no major legislative accomplishments. Well, at least I was elected a U.S. Senator–which is more than Mr. Bush can say.”

If you enjoyed this satire by Scott Ott, you can read more of his work at Scrappleface.

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