The Weekly World News Scoops The Mainstream Press On The Saddam & Osama Wedding

24 Oct, 2003 by John Hawkins

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Nobody and I mean nobody gets the inside scoop on the war on terrorism like the Weekly World News. For example, while Fox or CNN haven’t even reported that Osama Bin Laden & Saddam have gotten married to each other, the WWN actually has a pic of the two of them together along with a shaved down ape the two of them have adopted….

But that’s not all! Here are a few choice quotes from the story that the mainstream press doesn’t have the guts to tell you about!

“Saddam — who is the “woman” in the strange coupling….turned on a trusted bodyguard “like a mama lion” when the man made a crude comment about the terror kingpins’ September nuptials and then accidentally jabbed the baby chimp with a diaper pin while laughing at his own joke.

By the time stick-thin Osama pulled stocky Saddam off, the bodyguard, a Saddam relative, had very nearly been blinded — with both of his eyes, a source says, “having very nearly been scratched out.”

Now why would the mainstream media cover this story up? Could it be to protect a certain group of cheese eating surrender monkeys who might be embarrassed by this revelation?

“By the time the CIA found out about their hastily arranged but well attended wedding in late September — French President Jacques Chirac and PLO chief Yasser Arafat were among its many dignitaries — the doe-eyed couple who exchanged vows in northern Iraq were holed up in a honeymoon love nest thousands of miles away…in France.”

Unfortunately, the WWN says Saddam and Osama escaped to Syria before we had a chance to capture them. Hey, next time, don’t screw around getting warrants and permission to arrest them, just carpet bomb the area they’re in with MOABs and send a fruit basket as a “sorry we bombed your country gift” afterwards. I believe that’s what Frank J. of IMAO would suggest and if it’s good enough for a violent internet humor columnist, it’s good enough for me!