UN: No Evidence Iran Producing Nukes, Oil By Scott Ott

The United Nations today announced it had found no evidence that Iran is producing nuclear weapons or crude oil.

“We have been told this by Iranian government officials,” said a U.N. spokesman, “and if anyone ought to know, it’s them. They’ve been cooperating with us in a most congenial manner.”

After an exhaustive inspection process, the U.N. also said it found no evidence that anyone in Iran practices Islam, wears a burqa or speaks Farsi. A team of United Nations experts continues to search for evidence of kebab.

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