Category: Humor

(**I received this email today from someone nicknamed Cyril Holt. The last time I heard from him, he was royally p*ssed off because I fulfilled my duties as the US Ambassador of Whoop Ass and scared the hell out of the Chinese with: this email: that I sent to their embassy (Incidentally, they announced our people would […]

10) Bin who? look, we’re just a pizza delivery service. Please leave us alone…please. 9) The 72 virgins were delivered ahead of schedule … you’d be gone for 7 months too if you had 72 honeymoons to attend too. 8) Osama got a bad case of stage fright and until he gets over it, no […]

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN — The Taliban accused the United States of targeting civilians in Afghanistan. Taliban spokesman, Sayed Sardar Ahmad Ahmadi took western reporters to a huge bomb crater outside of Kabul. “Look at all these school buses full of children murdered by the anti-Muslim American forces!”. After CNN reporter Kamal Hyder pointed out that the […]

Hello. My name is Azziz Azzam and I am the president of the Saddam Hussein fan club! Like all the people of Iraq, I love Saddam Hussein! Many people don’t understand this because American propaganda has turned their decadent brains backwards! <—– Of course the truth cannot be hidden forever! That is why Saddam has […]

There have been some rumors floating around about why the US is redesigning our military and building a nuclear missile defense that the United States government has felt compelled to address. First of all, we certainly aren’t upgrading our military because of a surprise attack we’re doing on Europe next year! That’s definitely not the […]

Afghanistan: — Celebrating 25 years of civil war Argentina: — Where everyone has a chance to be president…literally.   Australia: — 9 out of 10 of the most venomous snakes in the world can’t be wrong. Belgium: — At least we’re not as bad as France. Bosnia: — The official entrance to hell since 1991. Canada: — We needed a slogan, […]

Other nations are a mystery to many Americans. Hell, most Americans are lucky if they know how many states there are or where Idaho is. So we here at Brass Knuckles Webzine have decided to put together a short article some of the world’s other nations and how they relate to the greatest nation of […]

Military analysts have noted quite a bit of suspicious activity in recent months North of the American border. Canada has called up all of its reserves and has mobilized almost its entire force on the US/Canadian border. Responses from Canadian diplomats on the subject have been less than enlightening. “Nothing for you yanks to worry […]

Ontario, Canada — Canadian Terrence Phillips has grown more and more disturbed in the last few months about America’s total non-interest in invading Canada, “I’ve talked to dozens of Americans who I met at college & over the internet and not one of them showed the slightest interest in conquering Canada,” a miffed Phillips said. […]

We received another great email from one of our fans today! Here’s the email and our response… === >From: w****and@mailcity.com >To: webmaster@brassknuckles.net >Subject: the canadian menace by John Hawkins >Date: Sun, 21 Jul 2002 09:21:56 -0700 (PDT) >heh John Hawkins eh, i liked your piece on the: canadian menace, i’m from canada and i found it […]

To:: chinaembassy_us@fmprc.gov.cn From:: John Hawkins (Webmaster@brassknuckles.net) Subject:: An Open Letter To China Hello My name is John Hawkins and I run an American web page called “Brass Knuckles Webzine.” I wanted to write the Chinese embassy so that you could convey a diplomatic message to not only the government of China but to all of China’s 1 billion […]

I have now realized after reading Mary Allen’s “Free Boobies” article that many women are puzzled as to what men really mean when they say things. Many women take what men say at face value and that’s a huge mistake that can lead to a lot of frustration. Men across the world are going to […]

I spent 8 hours a day for over a year helping people connect to the internet. During that time I became the “Yoda” of my shift. Merely by using the “tech support force” I was able to help clueless people connect to the internet in record time. How did I do it? I was able […]

Since the ‘War On Terrorism’ started, Americans have actually begun paying attention to the wild-eyed thugs and gibbering tyrants who run most of the Middle East. But since most Americans aren’t used to hearing from other nations unless they’re destroying them in Olympic basketball or overthrowing their governments, they don’t really understand the babbling of […]

Many people are confused when things that the Taliban say don’t seem to match up to reality. Some people believe that this means the Taliban are liars. Nothing could be further from the truth. You simply need to understand Taliban slang and lingo. Therefore, BKW has created a “Taliban Translation Guide” to help you out. […]

Have you ever noticed that famous Democrats like Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy, and Jessie Jackson seem to lie all the time? Well they’re not really lying! You just need to learn to speak Democrat. That’s why RWN created this handy, dandy, translation guide so you can understand what Democrats actually mean. Our opponents refuse to […]

We can’t go out because I’ve got a boyfriend:: I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s to you. It’s not you, it’s me:: It’s you. I don’t date men where I work:: Unless they have a lot of money or are attractive and you are neither. I’m concentrating on my career too […]

Well, my Grrrlfriend is a vegetarian, and I am not. So I thought I would write a little guide to the do’s/do not’s of living with a vegetarian, which can be quite tricky at times. 1. Vegetarians really do like meat, they are just really stubborn people, that like to be different. My GF constantly […]

How to land and keep the elusive geekfish 1) Make the first move. You’ll die of boredom otherwise. 2) If they ask you out, they mean it. Oh, and don’t be surprised if they know quite a few things about you already, like your favorite color, your class schedule, or your computer specifications. 3) You […]

10) That was your sister? She has really big ta-ta’s for a 14 year old. 9) This has been the most stimulating 15 minutes of conversation I’ve ever had. What are you doing for the rest of your life baby? 8) It’s a real miracle drug. I couldn’t control my herpes without it. 7) I’m […]

10) You look so good you make me want to get a job. 9) If we’re stopped by the cops this is your brother’s car and you don’t know what’s in the trunk! 8) There’s 3 words I want to tell you….”You’re Too Fat.” 7) Remember when the stripper comes over I do the tipping. […]

10) So let me get this straight, yes means yes, and no means tie you up, right? 9) Know anywhere to hide a body? 8) You can come back to my place once my parents go to sleep. 7) All the voices in my head agree you look beautiful. 6) Hey, you know that funny […]

10) Once you make love to a man with Vulcan ears on you never go back. 9) “Urkuk lu Stalga.” That’s Klingon for “I love you baby.” 8) Why don’t you come over to my house so we can watch a little Sailor Moon to get in the mood? 7) You ever been with a […]

BKW’s foreign correspondents have put together an article to inform the public where nations across the world stand on the “War Against Terrorism”. Afghanistan:: Can we negotiate here? What if we send Osama to Iraq for trial? No? We’ll turn him over to you if you give us a note from his mother? No? We’ll trade […]

10) People couldn’t understand why Snuffleupagus didn’t have any humps. 9) Grover was stoned to death after someone claimed he was a spy for the Mossad. 8) Bert and Ernie defile Islam with their obvious homosexual perversity. 7) Palestinian Grouch rumored to have sold his trash to Jews. Killed as a collaborator! 6) Cookie Monster […]

I sometimes hear the question, “Why are you a Democrat?” and frankly, I have to laugh. Laugh and laugh, because perhaps this person may tire of my laughing, and he will eventually wander off. Sometimes I ponder seriously when I hear this question, because I’ll look around and around and there’s nobody there asking the […]

FLORIDA — In the biggest upset in the history of American politics, 15 year-old Danny ‘Digital’ Larson has won a write-in campaign for governor of Florida. Political analysts were stunned. Dick Morris commented, I’ve never seen anything like it. This kid is 15 years old, he lives in Maine, and the ‘l33t h@x0r Party’ that […]