BREAKING NEWS — 15 Year-Old Wins Write-In Campaign For Florida Governorship

BREAKING NEWS — 15 Year-Old Wins Write-In Campaign For Florida Governorship: Florida — In the biggest upset in the history of American politics, 15 year-old Danny ‘Digital’ Larson has won a write-in campaign for governor of Florida. Political analysts were stunned. Dick Morris commented,

I’ve never seen anything like it. This kid is 15 years old, he lives in Maine, and the ‘l33t h@x0r Party’ that he belongs to was polling at 0% yesterday in Florida. Yet this kid already has a 32 million vote lead in Florida and the polls haven’t even been open for 9 hours yet.”

Larry King flew out to Maine this afternoon to get an exclusive interview with the new governor of Florida at a Cyber Cafe that Larson kept referring to as his “campaign headquarters.” According to King, Larson attributed his surprise victory to,

“My mad skillz bizotch!! All the voters know I’m the man they want managing their oranges or whatever it is the governor of Florida does.”

When asked why he wanted to be governor of Florida, Larson replied,

“Because those Bush daughters are fine! Hey Jenna and Barbara, if you’re watching this and you want your dad to be governor again, I think we can work something out. Let’s meet up at the governor’s mansion and we’ll discuss details. Wear something sexy.”

King then alerted Larson to the fact that Jenna and Barbara were President Bush’s daughters, Jeb’s daughter is named Noelle. Larson was quite upset at the news,

“You have got to be kidding me! Jenna and Barbara are fine, but Noelle is a crack ho or something isn’t she? I’m not putting up with all those old people for Noelle! I bet I couldn’t even crank up my music in the governor’s mansion without somebody’s grandfather pounding on my door yelling, ‘turn that racket down!.’ I get enough of that from my aunt when she comes to visit.”

At that point the scene erupted into chaos as Larson’s mother burst into the cafe and yelled at Larson…

“Daniel Peter Larson, did you hack into those voting machines in Florida and make yourself governor? You know I don’t like getting calls from the FBI at work young man! I’ve just about had it with your hacking. Just to teach you a lesson, we’re switching to AOL. Explain that to those juvenile delinquents you hang out with on the internet…”

Larson’s mother then grabbed him by the ear and dragged him away from the camera while Larson pleaded,

“Mom, I’m on CNN and there are girls watching and…wait, AOL? Noooooooooooooooo!”

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