The Fifth Light

I come from a strange, faraway planet…the third one from its sun, a place known as “Earth” popuulated by humanoid people who have red blood in their veins. Perhaps because of my strange otherwordly origins I have some strange thoughts in my head, like these…

I know certain things because a whole lot of people are repeating them over and over again, and I know other things because because I’ve figured ’em out…or I’ve heard them from specific places, sources I trust. Or I’ve seen something happen with my own two eyes. Being an earthling who has red blood in his veins, I keep all these things separate — I do not toss them all in one big ol’ burlap sack together and shake ’em around. I try to keep track of what I really know, versus what I kinda-sorta “know.” Yes, that’s a strange habit, I know, rather like alphabetizing your spice rack. Maybe it could even be called obsessive-compulsive.

Anyway — a thought occurs to me about this whole “Obama Birth Certificate” thing. Like most people who’ve given the matter some thought, I am satisfied that our current President was born in the United States, specifically Hawaii. I am unsettled not quite so much by what I believe with regard to this…but why I believe it.

It isn’t that I’ve seen something, or learned of the existence of something, that seals the deal for me. (Although it should be said I find the birth announcements pretty convincing.)

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No, the keystone piece of evidence that really seals the deal for me, is this: There are just bunches and bunches of ding-a-lings out there ready, willing, able and eager to call me a big fat stupid doo-doo-head idiot if I don’t believe Obama was born in Hawaii. Or if I even show the slightest bit of hesitation in accepting it, for whatever reason. That’s how I “know.” It isn’t because of that second-hand copy that’s supposed to settle the matter and make Him a legal President.

Argument by cudgel. By peer pressure.
What is worthy of note, I think, is not quite so much the birth certificate angle. For there, I may very well be thinking this stuff out the wrong way, but I’m reasonably confident I came to the correct conclusion by whatever means.

A thought occurs to me…since I’m an earthling who thinks like an earthling, with red blood in his veins.

This is the method by which I know everything I know about President Barack H. Obama. Every little thing. Except for the fact that He has a huge following, He’s as tall as I am or perhaps an inch taller, He weighs less than I do, and His skin is darker than mine.

Brilliant speaker? I don’t really know that.

Intellectual? I’ve heard people say so. Don’t know it.

Curious, anxious to learn more about things? I’ve been listening for Him to say He knows something because of something…rather than just thinking a certain thing because a thought popped into His head and He, or one of His handlers, thinks it would sound good for Him to say it out loud. After two years of listening to speeches He puts out constantly, so far it looks like everything He knows is exactly that. Thoughts that popped into His head. If He had a basis for any of these ideas, it would appear that He is afraid to tell us what His inspirations & sources are.

He’s concerned about the environment? I don’t know that.

Cares about people who make less money than He does? Don’t know it.

Is He a Christian? Again — a whole lot of people are ready to crucify me on some virtual cyberspace “blogger cross” if I show any receptivity to the idea that He might be a Muslim…and the peer-pressure message from that is quite clear. I am to regard Him as a devout Christian. But do I know He’s a Christian? Do I know He knows terribly much about Christianity? The answer is no. I don’t know that about Barack Obama; I don’t know that much about what He does & doesn’t know. You could approach me with proof tomorrow that He is, in fact, a secular humanist or a Buddhist. I might feel a twinge of “well golly,” but that’s all. I wouldn’t be overly surprised.

Expert on constitutional law? I know He’s held a professorship here…that sounds pretty impressive. But this whole [email protected] thing is such a newbie mistake, isn’t it? Like something a tinpot dictator from a banana republic would do after he took this place over. Assuming such a thing could happen here. Obama seems to be foreign to the spirit of our Constitution…there’s no evidence that He has more than a nodding acquaintance to the letter of it…so no. I don’t know that He’s terribly well versed on our nation’s founding document. I “know” it in the sense that a bunch of loud people want me to think so. But I don’t know it in any sense beyond that.

He can coordinate things? He can empathize with people, know what they’re feeling before they do? The whole buzz-bombing of Manhattan poses a problem or two for that one, does it not?

He knows how to fix the nation’s problems? He’s tried a lot of things so far; lost in all the sanctimonious speechmaking is the fact that none of them have worked just yet.

He’s a brilliant speechmaker? I’m pretty convinced He knows how to read from a teleprompter; for a President, He is unusually dependent on having it around all of the time. And His occasional performances without the benefit of one, are uh, er, ah, uh, less than impressive.

There’s Just Something About Him? Puh-leeze. That doesn’t even mean anything.

He’s repairing our country’s image around the world? This one ought to be provable by now; He’s been in office for seven months. Who, on this big wide globe, hated our guts on January 20 of this year and just loves us all to pieces now? Name just one country. Name one person. One’s all I need. Dazzle me.

He’s smarter than most of us? He’s smarter than, for example, that idiot dimbulb Sarah Palin? Yeah, I just don’t know. For those of us who don’t stay up on this stuff every hour of every day…did you know she just kicked His ass? You’re just so well informed, I’m sure you already heard.

Other than the above-mentioned points about His most basic bodily statistics and His skin color…I think just about every single thing I “know” about Barack Obama, I know because people stand by ready to inflict some kind of punishment on me if I believe something different. Reminds me of the Star Trek episode about the fifth light.

Every little Obama “fact” worth knowing, that anybody anywhere “knows,” it seems, is a fifth light.

This is a rather curious state of affairs for such a charismatic gentleman in His late forties who’s supposed to leave such deep and positive impressions on people. Isn’t it? Shouldn’t there be just a little bit more hard information about Him? Isn’t it reasonable to expect it?

Cross-posted at House of Eratosthenes.

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