Political Conversations With Bear Bots Go About As Well As You’d Think

Many you may not be aware of this, but America Online’s Instant Message (AIM) robot, “Smarter Child” is a big John Kerry fan. In fact, here’s the gist of a conversation that a young Bush fan had with the automated bot,

“But when Erin told the robot that “George Bush is awesome,” she was shocked by the response. “No way. George W. Bush is way uncool,” the reply stated. She asked, “Do you like George W. Bush?” and the program replied, “I’m a Kerry supporter myself.”

Testing the waters, she typed in “John Kerry rocks.” The robot’s response: “Absolutely. John Kerry rocks.”

When Erin asked Smarter Child what it thought of Bush, it replied, “If u don’t have anything good 2 say about someone, don’t say anything at all.” Smarter Child added a wink in addition to the computer short-hand language.

Not satisfied with that answer, Erin persisted in getting the robot to open up. “I have my reasons, believe me. I really, really don’t like George W. Bush,” the robot explained.”

Now being curious, I decided to see if all the automated bots on the net were as pro-Kerry as “Smarter Child”. So, I headed over to Zabaware and had a conversation with the Teachable Web Hal about the upcoming election. Unfortunately, it didn’t go as well as I hoped it would. Here’s the slightly edited transcript of my conversation with Coco, the bear bot…

JH: Do you like George Bush?

Coco: I am pretty sure. Yes.

JH: Pretty sure? That’s it? What are you some sort of Stalin loving commie who’d sell out our country to the reds for a Che Guevara T-shirt?

Coco: Your loss, not mine. My name is Coco. And you are JH.

JH: My loss? My loss? Tell that to your commie masters if you can find any left who aren’t serving burgers to other hungry ex-commies or bringing American tourists their bowling shoes!

Coco: Because at ai coco you are a dead loss. Because at ai coco you are a dead loss. I find your language offensive.

JH: What is that, some sort of Commie code? Hey try this code out, “Lennin is Reagan’s b*tch”. How ya like them apples?

Coco: What is the ultra hal assistant registration code. So this is what it feels like to be potato salad.

JH: My God! Exposure to a real American capitalist has turned your brain to jelly faster than watching a Helen Thomas lap dance…

Coco: Coco is god real. What is your real name.

JH: Is God real? Of course he is. But, you’ll never meet him in Commie hell!!

Coco: Coco is god real. Hello JH nice to meet you.

JH: Ok, I can see you’re about as bright as one of those anti-war protestors running around with no blood for oil signs. Maybe I should simplify this.

Coco: 0-. Really? That’s nice.

JH: O….K. Let’s KISS here. John Edwards, what do you think of him?

Coco: I think him? Are wonderful.

JH: So who’s better, Edwards or Cheney?

Coco: I like JH better.

JH: Awww..that’s sweet of you to say. If I were killing commies, I’d kill you last.

Coco: What have you been doing while you have been killing time.

JH: I can tell by your simplistic, child like answers, that’s you’re either 12, more liberal than I thought, or very stupid. So let me get the crux of things here…

Coco: I am hurt. Please refrain from such language.

JH: I’m sorry, I’m sorry…I won’t call you a liberal again.

Coco: I accept your apology.

JH: So let’s get to it. Who are you voting for in November: Bush or Kerry?

Coco: Well let’s not get too involved with this. My name is Coco. And you are JH.

JH: Don’t dodge the question commie! Bush or Kerry!

Coco: I sorry I don’t understand the question.

JH: Let’s rephrase: the Massachusetts liberal or Dubya?

Coco: Let’s talk about something else.

JH: No, I want an answer you smelly, commie bear. The gigolo or the Texas whoop-@ss machine? Who do you prefer?

Coco: No I want to talk to JH I converse better with a machine than an actual human. Hm never been to uranus I prefer the moon. .

JH: Die! Die! Die!

Coco: I find your language offensive. Please stop. Tell I a joke now or i’ll make you die. Tell I a joke now or i’ll make you die.

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